Todays' garbage 6/27/23

So I was supposed to have an initial consultation for bariatric surgery today and that was canceled. so now I had to re contact the VA to find out what to do, chances are, I will have to go back in talk to the doc again so he can refer me to the bariatric surgeon I am supposed to see.

Then I am finding out I got more hoops to jump through before I can have the surgery, which, isn't the end of the world, but it is making me not care to want to proceed. Like saying okay you have to jump this many times to get what you need, when in reality I wana say, no that is stupid i dont wana jump at all lets go with the surgery.

But nope

got to have a psych exam, for the umpteenth time just for a diff doc, and do a sleep study, which i did, but im waiting on the results no tellin when the VA will have that, and then if they say i need a CPAP machin, then yay the Bariatric doc states I gotta be on the CPAP for 2 months before the surgery can happen. slow claps. So I am hoping I wont need the CPAP.

Then I got ahold of a lawfirm today for social security disability. see the dude Thursday, an it is the same hoopla, the guy is going to tell me I have a case he thinks he can win, when in reality he has no clue, like the one before. he is just rolling the dice and he gets paid if i win. though he at least has the motivation to win, so he can be paid i guess.

I just want out of all this mess. I want it all to be over with, I want to be laying on my death bed and taking my last few breaths and have it all over, because at least then, I wont have the stress of living anymore, having to wonder how I am going to survive, who is going to step on me and treat me like crap, how to get in a relationship and deal with that heart break.

on an on

an what sucks is, I have just enough people in my life, every so often, that, i cant do anything to myself because it would upset them. and i cant put them through my mental bs.