Vent *T.W*

Answer just if you want to, but… this thing you said immediately: I really want to be myself.

I wonder if you think being yourself is acceptable or if it causes problem and what these problems exactly are.

Also it seems to me that you’re putting yourself under a lot of pressure because, fair enough, they are important exams as you said.

It’s difficult to ‘just be okay’ with our lack of efficiency or energy when we feel as if the world will keep us behind if we stay the way we are.

I don’t think you can easily fix everything, of course, in my own journey I found out that I haven’t been able to value my own health over the achievements I’m supposed to be collecting for a better future.

The reality is… our present self needs love too. They might get into bad habits or unhealthy things just to cope with all the guilt and negativity we feed them.

I see this happen to me a lot of times and no, I can’t always fix it. Most times I don’t know what the *** to do that honors both what I want and who I am and at the same time is healthy or helpful.

We’re human and we’re just winging it most times.

What I’ve seen helped a bit, has been recognizing that I need a lot of space now. I need space from my family, from my friends… from the stressors practically. It would be ideal to have such a good internal mindset that the external world can’t affect us… but it’s not realistic to expect that of you right now.

Maybe you can begin by setting a time or when you just feel like it or want to… write or say aloud what is hurting you so much, no matter if it’s repetitive or not, it’s real.

When you feel awful, you feel awful. Give yourself space and time without judgements (both positive or good) where you can just breathe. It would be mindfulness and I’ve seen even on this app a few interesting helpful tips to how actually use mindfulness.

What has been really helpful to me for the times I felt hopeless has been reading a book (you can find it online by downloading a free pdf too).

‘Feeling Good’ by David Burns.

It’s not a cure, even I still haven’t been able to make myself do the exercises (I feel resistance I haven’t understood yet, but it’s okay). And the wonderful thing? You don’t have to do the exercises, it already helps just reading the first pages, it helps you being aware of a few tools. If they are not what you need it’s perfectly okay, they haven’t all been useful to me either.

I specifically suggest it for its weekly check-up table that helps you keep track of yourself and also for the clever roleplay aspects it uses, the negative thought patterns (fortune teller, all or nothing thinking) and also I personally like how the writer is logical and witty, not saying casual positive statements that might not sound true on the spot (this is my personal preference, I don’t know what you’d prefer).

Also keep off the pressure of applying the strategies or tools! They are TOOLS, not ‘shoulds’ (there is a section in the book about that too). Really, I strongly suggest you give it a try because it challenges some beliefs.

Another thing that helped me, aside from the book, has been keeping track of my moods (I have an app that lets me track in a minute my overall mood and also lets me select which emotions I feel and write whatever I feel like (I usually try to remind myself to write on the days I felt good so that I remember that I can still feel good and so when or how I can feel good again).

Good luck!

Write back if you have any question or want to talk more specifically about something I got wrong or you’d like to see more in detail.