Venting
This is like my first time making a post like this and I don't know what I'm doing.
I just really wanted to vent as I don't have my journal at the moment. And I didn't want to bother anybody as this is not really that important.
I'm just feeling really sad right now. I've been crying for a while. And I'm just thinking. Because that's what I always do I just overthink 24/7. And it's late at night and I have nothing to do.
I'm feeling insecure mostly. I don't go out much, I'm in my room, by myself a lot. But I'm ok with it, I think. I don't know why but talking to people kind of makes me anxious. But, when I do go out, I don't get approached. It hurts because sometimes I already don't find myself to be attractive. And then not getting much attention makes it worse.
In school, a lot of people see me as friendly and shy. (I just got out of virtual school. When school starts back up again I'll be going face-to-face). But in public it feels like people avoid me or something. And by people I mean guys.
Maybe it's an age difference, or the fact that I'm always around my family.
Sometimes girls that are my age give me mean looks. Guys don't even look at me. The only guys that do really look are the older men, and I know they have no good intentions.
Sometimes I do get compliments. But it's really rare. In virtual school, when we had to go face to face to take tests, the girls (that I knew from class) would say stuff like "you're so pretty!!" "I love your outfit!". And I would notice boys that look at me and stare, but they say NOTHING. They just look with a blank expression.
And when I'm in public, guys don't even look!!! The only time I get attention is when we are in a really small space. Like a classroom, or a empty grocery store. And the only people that compliment me are girls that I know, and older ladies. And i feel like they always are just trying to be kind.
I don't know why I want male attention so much. Why do I care so much?? I hate that I get so hurt because I don't get attention. It sounds so stupid. But it really hurts and I don't know why.
And I'm shy. But all the friends I've made, they always come to me because I look nice and friendly. So if guys really wanted to, they would. Apparently I'm not intimidating at all.
I always get complimented by adults on how kind and respectful and smart I am. When I walk into a room full of teachers, I get compliments back to back "look at that beautiful smile!" "I just love the way you dress!" "You always come looking so nice." "You're a very smart and talented young lady".
Ok but if I'm all these things, why don't guys my age notice it?😕
@Helpmeeeepleaseeeee hi sweetie ❤ it seems like your a great young lady, with your head screwed on right. But it also seems, you don't have much self confidence. If girls give you dirty looks it's cause their jealous. And the boys I'm not sure why they don't give you much attention. Possibly cause your lacking confidence in yourself. Focus on you, be happy with who you are, and everything else will fall into place ❤ gives you a giant tiny hug ❤ good luck sweetie ❤
Thank you so much𥺠you're so kind!!
@Helpmeeeepleaseeeee awww your a real sweetheart ❤ what helps clear your mind and relax to fall asleep??
Music helps a lot! And I watch a lot of youtube videos before bed. Like funny ones, or documentaries😁
@Helpmeeeepleaseeeee sorry I took so long to get back to you ❤ I hope you slept well after ❤
It's alright! I did sleep well
@Helpmeeeepleaseeeee that's good ❤ do you have school today??
Nope it's summer break! But in August I'll be going back. And I'll be going from 4 years of virtual to face to face 😬. My parents don't think I'll like it. But I don't get much social interaction and I want to push myself. Before covid when I was face to face I loved it. But it's going to be my first year of highschool so everything is going to be different.
@Helpmeeeepleaseeeee ooo! This sounds exciting, remember when you walk into that building, to show confidence, and be your sweet self ❤ and I'll be here rooting you on the whole time ❤
Thank you🥺🥺🥺❤💜
I'll try my best lol!
@Helpmeeeepleaseeeee trying your best is all anyone can ask for ❤❤ and remember you got me and everyone else here to help you through ❤
Hiii!! I have an update!
I just got my schedule for school! The teachers names don't look too intimidating so I'm a little excited!
And one teacher is a teacher I knew in virtual school! So at least I'm going to know somebody.
When school starts I'm going to join clubs so I can try and make friends in there.
