What is my purpose of being here?
I've been dealing with so much stuff lately. First school, I was supposed to graduate this year because I was taking all my classes that I needed this year. However, I had to drop a class due to a schedule conflict with work, and I'm unable to get another class that's the same. Plus, I'm terrible when it comes to doing assignments on time. I try to force myself, but to no avail. Secondly, I feel behind. I'm 24, still in community college cause I procrastinated with my previous years. I don't know how to drive; all my friends know how to, but I don't. I had the opportunity to learn, but due to my stupid anxiety, I was too afraid. I've been picking up hobbies like film photography and drawing. But I failed to do anything with these. I haven't taken a single photo with my camera, and I want to learn to draw badly, but I see people all over the internet light-years ahead. I've had times before where I wanted to draw, but not this fierce. I regret not learning to draw when I was younger or even knowing how to draw. By the time I'm good, I'll be in my 30's. I can't get that out of my mind. It's constantly in my mind the fact that I won't be able to create what I want till I'm older, the fact that I have to wait due to my coming into late. I'm always late to everything. I have the motivation, but I want to be a perfectionist. I want to better myself, but fall short. I feel useless. Sometimes I wish I were just a different person, then maybe I wouldn't be such disappointed in my life. I hate my face, my teeth, and I don't have enough money for braces. Never had a girlfriend. Never did anything honestly. I always get jealous of people having pictures of themselves when they were younger in their teens. I'm not picture-worthy; my proportions are so wonky. The worst part, I lost my father in 2023. I miss him. I wish he were here. He always believed in me. I wish I had that same belief in myself. I don't know why I'm here, why God put me here. I'm not suicidal, but I just wish I weren't here. Like I just vanished. I'm a failure of a 24-year-old.
@patientPlane1467
🥺
Firstly I'm sorry that your father passed away!
I'm sure he is still looking down on you with love and pride!
Its not easy to see others doing things we ourselves want, we feel stuck, left behind!
But ultimately you are doing your best and that is what matters!
We don't have any set timeline!
You cannot change the past but you can move forward and decide what you want.
Being able to drive, education, your job doesn't determine your worth, your character dies, the type of values you place importance on, how you treat people!
You are young, with a whole world of possibility Infront of you.
Your father was proud for a reason!
Don't forget that!
💕💜
I got my driver’s license in my 30s. It’s not a bad thing to learn later <3
As for the drawing, I know a very easy and all-encompassing way to learn to draw. Look up Mark Kistler’s Draw Squad, which is the book that I discovered that ACTUALLY works after years of trying other books <3 (This isn’t an ad lol, this was truly the only book I found that finally unlocked art for me!) <3
Hi patientPlane1467,
Thank you for sharing all of this — I can feel the weight you’re carrying, and the depth of your reflection and pain. It takes real courage to speak so honestly about what’s going on beneath the surface.
You’re clearly someone who cares deeply — about doing things well, about making something of yourself, about not wasting your potential. That drive, even when it feels like it’s betraying you, is still a sign that there’s so much life in you. I know it doesn’t feel like enough right now, but that fire — that longing to learn, to create, to grow — that’s your purpose showing up, even in the middle of self-doubt.
The fact that you're struggling doesn’t mean you're failing. It means you’re human. You're 24, not broken. You're in a hard season — late in some areas, maybe, but not done. Never done. And definitely not useless.
You’ve been through loss that no one should have to carry at your age. Missing your dad, especially when he believed in you, makes perfect sense. It’s okay to not feel strong without him — that love and support mattered. It still does.
And about the creative stuff — I hear how badly you want to make art, and I also hear how you’re comparing yourself to people who’ve had years of practice. That ache to catch up fast is so real, but your art doesn’t have to impress the world right now. It just has to exist. You can still take that first photo. You can still make a first sketch. It’s not too late — not even close.
Being here might not make sense today, but I promise your story isn’t over. You are not a failure. You are someone in the middle of a difficult, unfinished journey. And you’re not alone.
You wrote, “I wish I had that same belief in myself.”
Well — until that belief grows again, I’ll say this: I believe in you. For real.
Please keep going.