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patientPlane1467
1 1,031 M Little Steps 2
PathStep 2 Compassion hearts62 Forum posts8 Forum upvotes20 Current upvotes20 Age GroupAdult Last activeOctober, 2026 Member sinceAugust 26, 2025
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Life
General Support / by patientPlane1467
Last post
 March 16th
...See more I want to learn to draw manga. I'm in school (not currently because I withdrew for mental health reasons) for computer science. I realize that I want to learn to draw and pursue something in art but l've been at my community college for almost 5 years, haven't graduated yet and I feel as though I'm too late to pursue art since it takes a long time to be pro at it. I'm 24 and I'm afraid to start. I wanted to start months ago but was too afraid and now I keep thinking about those months I could've started or the countless other times I could've started drawing. This has lead me to think of other experiences like never having a girlfriend, never learning to drive, still living with my mother, and just countless other things. I wish I realize I wanted to do art because it fascinates me. I want to study other subject like math, physics, cinematography, and others for art. I think it's so cool that you can combine pretty much life it self into your art and I want to be a master for myself in my art journey. On one hand, it's hard seeing people my age and younger who've drew since childhood or took the plunge to draw and I feel left out but on the other hand, art is an endurance run and the same people I see now may not still be here in the future and I should draw for myself. I realize to build mastery of art is to focus on your obsession and feed it, study it, and work hard at it. I just wish I realize this sooner. Am I too late for art, can I even reach this goal in the future? I just wish I could jump in it but I’m too afraid.
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Childhood Trauma
Trauma Support / by patientPlane1467
Last post
 November 27th, 2025
...See more When I was 9, my parents divorced, and everything went downhill after that. My mom got sick with POTS, but at the time, she didn’t know what it was. And from then on, the way she treated me just got worse. In 5th and 6th grade—especially 5th—I would take a long time on my homework, and instead of helping me, she would yell at me. I would get whooped for bad grades. I remember being up super late, exhausted, and she’d still be yelling. I felt alone, especially after my brother was born—that feeling of being alone carried into 7th and 8th grade. I kept getting bad grades, and she kept whooping me. She never helped with homework, just projects. I felt like I couldn’t go to her, even though she always said I could tell her anything. During that time, we moved in with my grandparents, and it wasn’t the best. Then, 9th grade was terrible. Attended KIPP and struggled every day with the overwhelming amount of homework. I would take too long, and she’d yell and whoop me again. One time, she got so angry that she had me pinned against the wall with her hand around my throat. I told my guidance counselor, and after that, she would make slick comments about it — stuff about foster homes, stuff to make me feel guilty. I don’t remember every detail, but I remember the feeling. Things got a little better in 10th grade, but 11th grade was bad again because I stopped doing my work. I felt like the work had no point to me, and I still don’t fully understand why I felt that way. During this time, she would also say hurtful things. Once, when I was suicidal and she knew I was suicidal, she yelled something along the lines of “unalive yourself for all I care.” I don’t remember the exact words, but it was close. She apologized that day, but it didn’t mean much. These past few months, all these memories keep popping up constantly. I honestly can’t remember any good memories with her — or if there are any, they’re tiny compared to the bad ones. She would go crazy if I didn’t do the dishes before she got home. She broke my game disc and headphones. She made me cut all my hair off in 2017 or 2018. She threw my Xbox off my dresser and threatened to break my stuff. She would hit me. She was constantly angry. She was still sick during a lot of this time, but that doesn’t excuse anything. She never came to me asking what was wrong. She never tried to understand school or why I was struggling. If I got bad grades, she exploded. That’s why I hid my grades—because I was afraid of her. In 2023, our family was going on a cruise. I said yes at first, but then I didn’t want to go because I was afraid of her yelling at me the whole time. When I told her, she got mad. This is the same person who told me I could come to her about anything, who claimed to respect honesty. After that, it became really hard to come to her about anything or even connect with her. I feel constant anger toward her. This was also the year my father died. I feel alone as ever. I told her once about some of the things she did, and she brushed it off. She said I “was emotional as a kid.” When I brought up her cutting all my hair, she said it didn’t matter because my hair is long now. She always minimized things. She also called me a disappointment and cursed a lot. She compared me to her best friend’s kids — how they cooked for their mom, how they did this and that. I told her to stop, and eventually she stopped, but she still said things sometimes — like commenting about other kids driving when I didn’t have my license. I honestly believe she failed me and was a terrible parent. I was also scared to tell her things because she would throw them back in my face or make slick comments. She would say I’m “not about my business” and that she’s a “go-getter.” But she never showed me how to do anything. If my little brother annoyed me and I hit him lightly, she would call me abusive toward him. When I wanted to major in physics and become a nuclear physicist, she told me to be realistic because I procrastinated. She also used to tell me I should fear her when I was younger. The most confusing part is that she can be caring and loving, like how she was when I was a kid before the divorce, but all the bad that happened overshadows it, and I feel a disconnect. She apologized for things, and I said it was okay, but I didn’t mean it. I just said it and never really forgave. I feel like I’m overreacting, maybe. Am I overreacting? Advice?
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Comaparing myself
General Support / by patientPlane1467
Last post
 October 6th, 2025
...See more How do I stop comparing myself and getting discouraged? I want to learn to draw and do other things, but it's mainly art. Every time I see someone's artwork, I get discouraged. I honestly feel like not learning to draw because it's so many great artists, people my age and younger, and I feel like I'll never be good enough, so I haven't drawn at all. I also feel like I missed the train because I could have learned when I was younger. I know it's not too late, but I just can't shake the feeling that it is. By the time I get "good enough," every single person who would be my peers would be way ahead of me. This goes for a lot of things. I'm 24 and I should have at least had a skill I have built, but I don't. I messed up my teen years and now half of my twenties. I just feel like giving up.
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How do I start drawing?
Arts & Crafts / by patientPlane1467
Last post
 September 8th, 2025
...See more Hi, I'm interested in drawing, but I am a complete beginner. I've looked into how to draw, but most of the time it's just the same: "just draw whatever." However, I'm unsure where to begin or draw. Does anyone have any advice?
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Comparing myself
20 & Over / by patientPlane1467
Last post
 September 7th, 2025
...See more How do I stop comparing myself to people? I'm 24. I constantly compare myself to other people. I want to learn different things, like drawing. But I always go online and see people the same age or even younger miles ahead of me, and it just ruins my motivation. I honestly gave up on trying to learn different things.
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What is my purpose of being here?
General Support / by patientPlane1467
Last post
 September 2nd, 2025
...See more I've been dealing with so much stuff lately. First school, I was supposed to graduate this year because I was taking all my classes that I needed this year. However, I had to drop a class due to a schedule conflict with work, and I'm unable to get another class that's the same. Plus, I'm terrible when it comes to doing assignments on time. I try to force myself, but to no avail. Secondly, I feel behind. I'm 24, still in community college cause I procrastinated with my previous years. I don't know how to drive; all my friends know how to, but I don't. I had the opportunity to learn, but due to my stupid anxiety, I was too afraid. I've been picking up hobbies like film photography and drawing. But I failed to do anything with these. I haven't taken a single photo with my camera, and I want to learn to draw badly, but I see people all over the internet light-years ahead. I've had times before where I wanted to draw, but not this fierce. I regret not learning to draw when I was younger or even knowing how to draw. By the time I'm good, I'll be in my 30's. I can't get that out of my mind. It's constantly in my mind the fact that I won't be able to create what I want till I'm older, the fact that I have to wait due to my coming into late. I'm always late to everything. I have the motivation, but I want to be a perfectionist. I want to better myself, but fall short. I feel useless. Sometimes I wish I were just a different person, then maybe I wouldn't be such disappointed in my life. I hate my face, my teeth, and I don't have enough money for braces. Never had a girlfriend. Never did anything honestly. I always get jealous of people having pictures of themselves when they were younger in their teens. I'm not picture-worthy; my proportions are so wonky. The worst part, I lost my father in 2023. I miss him. I wish he were here. He always believed in me. I wish I had that same belief in myself. I don't know why I'm here, why God put me here. I'm not suicidal, but I just wish I weren't here. Like I just vanished. I'm a failure of a 24-year-old.
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