When there’s no place to turn to …?
I don’t even know how to express how I’ve been feeling, most recently. What does a person do when they know they’re not good? Has relentlessly tried the most things to figure out and address all the constant pressing issues/trauma/emptiness. Pushing forward. Therapy. Prayer. Even reaching out to “family”. 988. Writing/journaling.
I’m so regrettably out of options. I feel more stifled and stuck than ever. The feeling that there’s no safe place to break in openly, not just in my head and heart. I’m drowning, in slow motion on repeat. All I ever wanted was to be worthy. A priority. Fought for for once. Protected. So crushed. Left with pain, traumatic memories, limited support, yet demanding and important responsibilities. I never want to abandon my babies. I just feel like the resilience. I developed. Maintained. Fought to never lose, has reached a breaking point. An inevitable fork in the road. One I tried to escape. The other set of shoes have dropped. I don’t know what else to do. Defeated.
@blueHouse663
Your situation seems complicated because, on the one hand, it seems like you’ve done everything you could. On the other hand, you’re overwhelmed, and it still hasn’t helped. I understand. If this situation is taking too much of a toll on you, if it’s getting out of hand—don’t try to solve everything. Try to take control of at least a small part of your life—taking care of yourself, sleeping, eating. Even if it’s just one less negative thought. I think you’re doing a great job by not giving up. That’s important. Not because it makes you mentally strong. No.
Rather, it’s because any pain either doesn’t last long, or it can be endured. And if you don’t give up, there’s a chance that another attempt or a new day will finally bring a solution. Believe me, it happens. And you’re already valuable just for not giving up. You don’t need validation.
I seriously appreciate those words. And you. Thank you for even reading. And offering insight. It means more than you know.