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blueHouse663
1 2,512 M Hopeful Heart 5
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts112 Forum posts31 Forum upvotes74 Current upvotes74 Age GroupAdult Last activeAugust, 2026 Member sinceJuly 2, 2025
Bio

Alone. Fighting. Defeated with the worst case of heartbreak.

Recent forum posts
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The downside of hope
General Support / by blueHouse663
Last post
 August 20th
...See more I just want to scream. When the inevitable “other shoe” finally starts falling. Despite how hard I fought. Sometimes you outlive resilience.
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Is the other shoe finally dropping?
General Support / by blueHouse663
Last post
 August 16th
...See more I’m so Severely empty inside. Every where. My heart. In my body. My soul. Spirit. Only my mind repeatedly creates more and more split thoughts. Incessantly. No reprieve. I build myself up. Break. Build it again with thoughts it’ll be different. Then I break again. So much so now. The up and downs. Have left me fractured. Shattered. I’ve got two medically fragile babies to care for. But feel I have nothing left. To give. To fight.
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Lost
General Support / by blueHouse663
Last post
 August 16th
...See more When you died. I anticipated that it would really hurt. I didn’t know that that would mean the only efforts to find/feel consistency and connection would die with you too. You are my great great grandmother. You were my constant. You didn’t get me. But you were my life line. Now I have no one. Idk what to do. I miss you so much.
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Bartter Syndrome
General Support / by blueHouse663
Last post
 July 1st
...See more Both my toddler’s age 5 and 7 boys have this extremely rare metabolic genetic disorder. Bartter syndrome Because it affects approximately 1 in 1,000,000 individuals, converting this frequency into a percentage results in an incredibly small number Global Breakdown: In a total global population of roughly 8 billion people, a 0.0001% prevalence means only about 8,000 people worldwide live with this condition. Are there any other families experiencing the same condition? Looking for any support. Community. Especially now that I’m a single mother.
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The Truth
General Support / by blueHouse663
Last post
 June 29th
...See more I was abandoned by parents at the age of three. my mother gave me to my father as she admitted in attempts to get him back. and my step father was abusing her and her two other babies. she had me at 15. and I’m the oldest. my great great grandmother raised me on my fathers side. she recently passed. as the only mother I’ve ever known. I lived so many years waiting for my actual mother to come back as she said she would. and when she did she only came back for the youngest. I have ptsd. bipolar. anxiety and depression. I’m going through a divorce now with whom I thought would recorrect my past. yet he was mentally, emotionally and even physically abusive when he drank. I try to fight. push. overcome but it seems nothing I do is ever good enough. to be wanted. made a priority. fought for. ever. I have two medically fragile toddler baby boys. and I’m trying to do this now all on my own. no real support. broken. Can’t afford a lawyer. In therapy/therapies. Possibly going to lose my job. I’m so overwhelmed. Consumed . Can’t see any light these days
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Destined to lose, despite how I fought
General Support / by blueHouse663
Last post
 February 24th
...See more I am literally so lost. Gone. Hopeless. I’ve been through a lot. This life. But I’m at the hardest time of my life. I’m so numb but still distantly feel everything. I finally said enough is enough after 7 years of marriage. Someone I thought safe. Settling, even. My past trauma and hurt left me so guarded and *** bent on never feeling so worthless, I barely survived. My choice of this person that I later had two medically fragile children with the same rare metabolic genetic disorder would never leave me. Would be my confidant. A support system whatever that really is, because I never fully had one would recorrect all the abuse as a baby/child. And abandonment from both parents. I poured whatever I had left into this marriage/family. With little to no effort, as I recollect from him mostly the whole relationship. Instead he furthered the abuse. Mentally. Emotionally. And physically. Especially when he’d “black out” drink. And attack me. My toddlers are 5 and 7. I pushed. I fought. I changed. Tried to grow for the betterment of our family. I can’t understand how someone could appear so normal. Endearing even. Then just hate/despise me. I’m not the easiest person to live with. Or be with with all my past baggage. Now I’m fighting to breathe. See another day. I feel so boxed in. I’m so tired of the let downs. Disconnected placement. I pushed for therapy. Tried to ignore the red flags. And consistent lack of fight or effort. Despite being punched in the face. Choked. Dragged out of my bed and even attempts to kick me while on the ground after being dragged from my bed. Only after I was trying to make him aware that he was yet again peeing in the middle of the floor. I’m trying to be strong. I’m trying to stay here for my children. But I don’t see anything showing things really working in my favor. This divorce. I didn’t truly want. But I was put in a place where I had no choice. Him the primary bread winner. Though I wanted to buy a home. And saved money, off two seasonal positions and tax money. I paid the down payment. He never appreciated it. Or me. And I now have to see that he never ever really loved me. I have no one in my corner. No one to bat for me. Friend or family really. Just buried my granny’s ashes today next to her husbands. She was the ONLY person that showed up and attempted to be a constant as she raised me from three years old. Now she’s gone. I belong to no one. Supported. Despite us never being what I think I really needed emotionally, she tried. Through Al this divorce mess. He keeps skating by. No license. No insurance. Bought a breathylyzer on his own coalition, to provide peace of mind. Though he still says he doesn’t have a drinking problem. Agreed to all this in mediation. And then reniged after everything was almost done. Despite winning the mediator over some how. So she became bias. I’m so sick of fighting for another day. Fighting for hope. Fighting everyone just to be felt like I’m heard. He victimizes himself. To anyone who listens. Even his family that he never actively cultivated relations with while we were married. Easily now come out and support him. After, he finally went to ny to rectify his legal issues. Which have been since we were married. He just springs in bringing the car to the home that is in both our names but loan only in his, claiming he paid everything and is turning the tags in tomorrow. I objected to leaving the vehicle here. As I had to purchase my own car (mediation in Md said we both needed vehicles) and it’s only a one car driveway. All of a sudden I’m getting calls from his aunt. His niece. Etc. supporting him, as if I’m being difficult. The car is registered in his name. And his name alone. He I later found out put my name on a whole Nother slew of policies including auto without my knowledge. Meanwhile the only family member I have left. I asked to text/call him to see where he was with things after he told me to talk to his lawyer. And that I should start looking for other places to live though I’m caring for our children here. No one sees him for what it is. My uncle wouldn’t step or stand up for me at all. Meanwhile, his side. People he never talked to. He ran to to make me the worst person. I have no one. I’m heart broken. Alone. Crushed. Defeated. I feel justice will never find him. Hold him accountable for anything. I have two little sets of eyes though that still miss him and want to see him. And I have never stood in the way of that. As long as it was/is safe. No one sees that. No ones sees me. Fights for me. Never have. Something’s are what they are. No matter how hard you try. I feel sick to my stomach. Can’t breathe a lot. I have no one anymore to try and reach out to anymore. It always falls on death ears.
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Hopeless and defeated, exhausted beyond measure!
General Support / by blueHouse663
Last post
 December 24th, 2025
...See more * I've been holding a lot in. And this year has been the worst year in a long time. * Strain and stress from my marriage. Has physically affected me. * Lost my hair. Teeth shifting. High blood pressure. Vitamin d levels critically low. Weight loss. Headaches. Trying to deal with my own mental health. I have bipolar. Bpd. Anxiety. Depression and ptsd. I have two medically fragile children. * Don't make enough to support the mortgage that I put money down on to even purchase. * My husband has been mentally, emotionally and in drunken black out fits physically abusive/an attacked. * I'm extremely hopeless and overwhelmed as we, well I as a last straw decided that enough is enough, as he was not to drink and did so anyways. And did his classic pee anywhere in the house but the bathroom. Coincidentally, he peed in the hallway on the chair that I bought our 7 year old to sit in to practice his music. * * When he woke, I gently asked if he had anything to say or share. He said no. Then I mentioned the urine in the hallway. That once he got up, he obviously cleaned up, as I was in another room with our children that were sleep, because I can never tell what mood he’ll wake up in. When I mentioned the pee, and it being cleaned up, he lied yet AGAIN, saying he didn’t clean anything up. But I have proof as I took pictures. Lied some more by saying oh I don’t recall cleaning anything up, once I presented the picture. * * I’ve tried endlessly with this 45 year old man (10 years older than me) to put in effort and fight for this marriage and he has never reciprocated. I thought maybe in time, and communication he’d do better but he never has. No matter the issue, I’m to blame. I’m taking “digs”, I’m being aggressive. When I speak and even if it’s just us in the room he literally doesn’t acknowledge or “hear” me. He’s gotten so drunk he’s punched me in the face. Amongst other things, and when he was made aware of it. He says he doesn’t even remember doing that. As if that’s some kind of justification. * * I fought so hard for this marriage, hoping he’d show some growth. And as it’s ended, still cold. No remorse for his action nor feeling to 7 years I committed to faithfully despite all the lacking. I’m so heart broken as I was abandoned by my mother and father. And abused as a three year old. My mother promised to come back for us, yet when she returned only took the young of the three. Never to return. I told myself I’d never be in a similar situation or feel like that again. And yet here I am. I don’t know what to do anymore. The hopelessness and despair is crippling. I can’t see a way out or up. * The only mother I did have, was my great grandmother and she recently passed last month. I feel like I have no one. No support but still responsible for all the the medical supply and medication orders amongst other things. Nursing care. Etc. someone please help.
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Overwhelmed
Relationship Stress / by blueHouse663
Last post
 September 3rd, 2025
...See more I just want to scream at the top of my lungs so bad. I don’t know what to do anymore. Things are piling up on top of a pile that’s never been dealt with . I’m in an emotionally, mentally and physically challenging marriage. With what seems to be no evident change coming. I have two babies with a very rare metabolic genetic disorder, that requires nursing care daily. I’m struggling with depression. Anxiety. PTSD. Bipolar and BPD. All of which I take medication for. I advocate for my children to the best of my abilities. Order supplies. Order their medications needed weekly. Stay on top of their medical equipment. Take them to their appointments. Dress them. Handle school needs and all paperwork needed. I’m emailing w their doctors daily. All while trying to make sure they are dressed well and cared for. I’m stuck with trying to be their mother and attempt to take on the role as a father too. I’m trying to maintain a job full time. Which I need to have in order to keep the insurance that cares for them best. Bills are piling up. I’m trying to maintain finances w their father’s income to help. Barely. My hair has fallen out. Teeth shifting/from grinding and biting my tongue to the point it bleeds. Lost weight. High blood pressure. Etc etc. can’t talk to my current husband about any of the things that bother me. Instead I’m met with blame. Negligence. Sometimes physical abuse and aggression. I’m just so tired. I’m so angry. I’m so hurt. I just want to scream so loud. Can’t even cry around him. So I suffer in silence. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I’m stuck. Broken. Alone. Nothing seems like it will get better.
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