Xmas blues

Hello platform, it's me again, the girl with the extra long post from the summer about being left as an option and ignored in a foreign country... Yeah, I was better; I felt happier, I even somehow got over that person whose name I would rather forget.... but when I thought my life couldn't get emptier, here I am, stuck in this foreign country for Xmas as I've not received the off days I requested months ago. This wouldn't be actually a problem, as I don't particularly enjoy Xmas and the only purpose I see in this holiday is to not go to school/work and stay at home (if you're lucky of course). The problem is that shortly before Xmas, I probably lost a person I thought was my friend. Maybe many of you will tell I am just spoiled, childish or I worry about bs, but I sent this friend a bday gift in October. It wasn't much as I didn't earn a lot. I also created a personal card with wishes. I ran through the half of the city past after a long duty and having several hours before the next one just to send it, so the person would receive it on time. The postal services were slow, and the parcel arrived in the particular country by mid November. Since then, the person who I thought liked me at least a bit was unable to pick it up. I was impatient, excited to see their reaction, happy with the surprise, and all I got were dumb excuses (busy life, hectic work, etc.). So, it's slowly to be the end of December and the parcel is still laying somewhere in the dusty storage room, because the person has no time to pick it up, even if they know it's from me. When I addressed that it bothered me what nonchalant attitude they chose for it (I was triggered by this point a lot, so I used kinda harsh language, but it all reminded me of all those nasty mental games people I liked played with me, so I lost it), all what I got was "OK" and a dumb emoji with sunglasses on. Absolutely no apologize, just the same fairy tale about a busy work schedule (as if I freakin' didn't work or what) and that's it. 

We didn't talk for a few days, then the 24th Dec came. No message, I just received stupid *** reels. The person saw my Xmas wish on *** and reacted with: ":o" and nothing else. I decided to not be a cow on the 25th and sent a picture with a Xmas wish to which I received Merry Xmas with the same sunglasses emoji and pics+videos how this person was invited to some family party and how he enjoyed, mentioning something related to my past situationship, which hurts me until today. And that's it. Before, I could have a conversation with that person, but now, I can't come with anything to chat about. I even don't want to. I still feel hurt that meanwhile I would move mountains for people I like, I receive nothing in return. They can't even find time for my stupid gift, yet, they always post pics of traveling somewhere, progressing in their trainings, partying, meeting with people. And when I do something I like, they somehow dismiss it, mock me for my previous mistakes with the guy I thought liked me. I didn't see it before, but I think they never really considered my mental health and that I am actually in pain. Whenever I said something, the reply was: "Oh, you're living in the fairy tales again?" And a laughing emoji. And this hurts me. That I let them do this to me for so many months, and even didn't notice a thing. So, now, I am sitting on my old and uncomfortable couch, crying cause I feel betrayed again, the second time this year by a person who I thought meant it serious with me and would reciprocate friendship which I offered. I know I ain't perfect. I get into my moods, but I don't do it on purpose or because I like to hurt people. I am just somehow stuck within my head and traumas, and I am losing patience with the world and people. I am just tired of meeting *** who smear honey around mouths and their actions don't correspond with it. I try to block the negative feelings, but I can't. It's greater than me and IDK what to do. I tried to study, to watch movies, but I keep crying. My mind wanders where I don't want it to wander. But of course, it wouldn't be my Xmas if I didn't spend it in tears. Will it even stop? Whenever I try to speak about my feelings and what actually hurts me, I receive: "OH, DRAMATIC AGAIN? JUST DON'T THINK ABOUT IT." and similar bs. But if it's a good day, that person helps me with my trainings, explains me several things, cares about my progress. So I get these mixed feelings and I am just confused. They care about my professional growth, but what happens in my head or with my feelings is just a no-go? I absolutely do not get this world anymore. 

So, anyone who finished until now, thank you. I tried to keep it short. Hopefully, you have better holidays than me. :)