hi

Hey folks.

I just needed a place to rant where I know no one and no one knows me. I'm just going through a phase lately and feel like I need to exorcise the negative thoughts out. I'll be starting university in September and have been feeling lately like every decision I make lately is the wrong one. I haven't stopped second guessing my university choice since I accepted two months ago, can't stop worrying about how much of my parent's money I may be wasting, feeling guilt at being the last kid and about to move out, not knowing whether or not I even feel ready to be living on my own. I feel insatiable, like how I was pining over this particular program and then when I got accepted I immediately started questioning whether or not it was the right move despite everyone important to me telling me it was the best option. I was worrying about being placed into residence, and then when I got accepted I just felt an odd mix of emptiness and anxiety as this thing I was waiting for for months was finally granted to me and I realized it still didn't make me happy. My friends are amazing and I'm sure that they would be willing to listen, but the vast majority struggle with their own mental health issues and I don't want to add more when I know this is probably crazily stressful for everyone. I love seeing my them during the days but then at night all I think about is how we are all about to go our separate ways in less than two months. I just feel like I'm in a never-ending spiral of getting what I thought I want and being disillusioned the moment I have it. Then again, maybe this is normal for a soon-to-be university freshman, I truly can't tell.

Apologies for the ungodly length and the angsty rants of an overly anxious teen. I don't really anticipate the attention of internet strangers, I just needed to verbalize all the chaos in my head lately.

me