life
ever since i started this [ thing ] i was not able to proces what is happening after a while and that was something simple that the [ grown ups ] didint understand i wanted to make the ones making my life bad feel pain but now i know its a lost cause there was no help i wanted to belive try ... but they never understood no matter how clear it was never [real to them ] like if i was a confused child that didint know how to speak i was angry i was depressed and i was changing from a defensless child to anger issues to depression helplessness to a psyco to a psylosopher to this i dont see my name i hear something that they call me i dont see a human i see nothing i dont know most but there is to much to know untill you cant process it i was never someone important i was a stepping stone i was alone and unlike how every uneducated adult woud be like [ but why didint you ask the grown ups ] i was differenty i was not like everyone else and maybe that difference made me someone they [ feared ? saw as lower ? ] will never know thay left me with this all them all the adults all the classmates everyone never tried to understand instead proceaded to hurt me i can not say how much depression pain helplessnes and all that crap i had to suffer for no results that woud be not the best of the choices ending but the good one that accually got [ justice ? ] it was never about it they never cared if i went to heaven they woud not care they are horrible peaple and the [ just ignore it ] is the i dont care and i will laught about this with my frend that works here with me eveyone has not a face but a price i paid and what it means this is not over but i have to [[ make it count ? ]] right ?
@placidPapaya9970
It sounds like you feel very misunderstood, and that you feel those close to you haven't taken your feelings seriously, so you feel hurt and lonely.
You may feel that you're different, but you're absolutely not less than anyone else.
I felt hurt and lonely when I was young, but things worked out okay for me anyway. I grew up, became independent and found friends who valued me for being "different."
The perfect revenge is to succeed. When those who made you feel belittled see you thrive and become happy, it will be a daily reminder to them that they were wrong about you.
When your heart becomes generous enough to forgive them, they'll likely be speechless.
@Spiritriver im sorry but i never will forgive them there will be a place in my mind remembering how traumatic this was for the defensless me i will never allow to be hurt this bad again and hope you do well and be happy and satisfied of your life
@placidPapaya9970
I felt that way about my family too. My mom had some excuse, due to mental illness. My brother was sadistic, and both tormented and molested me. My dad was an alcoholic who always had money for beer and cigarettes, but would let me go without food.
My dad apologized after about ten years, but it didn't feel sincere to me. My mom and brother never did. When I think of them now, there's still sadness, and wishing it could've been different, but the soul eating hate and rage no longer exists.
Forgiveness doesn't mean feeling kindly towards those who've hurt you. It doesn't mean you have to allow them the opportunity to hurt you again. However, it can help release the emotional pain connection that exists between you and the one who hurt you.
Those who've hurt you don't have the right, nor do they deserve to occupy negative space inside your mind. The kind of forgiveness I'm talking about isn't the mushy lovey dovey, or as an old friend would call it a "touchy, feely, granola" kind of thing. It's more of a decision to ensure that the offending person's actions can no longer feed you ongoing toxic feelings, or trigger distracting and energy depleting anger.
When living with toxic people, it usually feels nearly impossible to keep the above perspective. I know I didn't while I was living in those conditions.
My hope is that someday, you'll be free from those who've hurt you, and also free from the pain they've caused.