little me
something i wrote yearssss ago. sad reality is. i still feel the same. and it's sad how i cant be able to look back at younger me and say it gets better. because i'm even more alone now. so. well. yeah. anyway. little me and her introspective self.
November 6th, 2020 12:29 p.m.
So…. i read lots of creative writing entries i did last summer for online. And they all have a common genre i guess. Friendships and love. The type of friends that will love you no matter what happens, and no matter what the world throws it doesn’t hurt, because you are with them every step of the way. I read stories I wrote of love somebody loving somebody and saying the words: I. Love. You. Just three easy words, yet the hardest thing to say to someone you truly care about. I started thinking about why i think it is easy to write about love and friendship when i don’t even have love. And now i get why. I did have love. And that love over the years fell apart, because i stopped trusting the people that i loved. Everytime i start loving someone, not even just a boy just a friend in general… they leave. So fast, so quick, without a moment to say, “why?” why did you do that to me. Why did you leave. Why was it so hard to stay friends? And now i know why. People change just like leaves change in the fall. And everytime leaves change, they die and fall to the ground and people pick them up and put them in a bag to get rid of them. That’s what happened to me. That is what always happens to me. My friends are beautifully green, and then leaves change colors, we go through trials, but the end result, the leaf can’t hold onto the tree the whole time. So the friendship falls with the leaf. And my friendships die and get picked up into a garbage can. That’s why i dont trust lots of people. It’s so hard to trust somebody who will stay by your side no matter what. I’m lucky i’m starting to see that, but i don’t know how long it’ll be until it dies and it dies and it dies, a million little times.
@steph8402
*huggies for the now-steph and for the little-steph if okie* :') this was beautiful, honestly. 💙 and tbh… i can relate with what you wrote at the beginning of this post 💜 how oftentimes we can’t look back at our younger selves and tell them… it gets better. because the days pass, and the weeks, and the months… they slowly turn into years. :') and here we are. 💙
i think it’s something quite interesting to think about tbh. :’)
(i apologise if i’m intruding a bit or invading this space 🤧 if i am - that’s ok, we can get my reply removed)
no no ur totally fine for responding:) this was just to say. but thanks for the hugs it means a lots and yeah sometimes we can’t say it gets better. but one day it will:) i believe everything happens for a reason and we just gotta hope and keep hoping even if it’s not soon. hope is something that helps bring us some sort of joy.
anyway thank you lovely:) *hugs huggies for you* i know little steph would’ve loved your hugs
@steph8402
mhm, me agrees. 💙 *keeps hugging you*
*hugs foreverrrrrrr*
@steph8402
awwe! 🥺 a forever-Steph-huggie 🥺💙
Steph, I totally feel you. All my life, I've tried to be a good friend always willing to help, listen, and do whatever I can to help. As long as I can remember, the friends I've had, have gone through trials and tribulations, and I've always been supportive, I listen, I'm there for them in whatever they need, but when I've needed someone to talk to, to just be with me, they never seemed to have time. I've sat for hours listening to them rant, cry, and have comforted them during those times. But I noticed when I needed someone to listen or just sit and be with me, none of them ever had time and during my difficult times, have left and sort of just dropped our connection. It feels a bit abusive. But I've learned to work through it. If you ever need someone to talk to or vent, I'm here. Love & hugs to you!💜💜💜
ah i’m so sorry that happened to you. it is so difficult to overcome but it is possible:) there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. thank you so much for sharing. it is hard but we are strong. love and hugs ❤️
I recently got a friend after years of avoiding people like the plague. I thought she was the most beautiful surprise. I had given up on ever finding anybody to connect with not to talk about love. She made me feel like I was actually there. It was nice to be recognized. I loved her and I told her. I think she believed me at some point but she lost faith in me somewhere. I still don't know what I did wrong. The more I tried to talk to her, the more nervous I got. With my anxiety, I couldn't get my words across. Each time I talked to her, I felt more depressed because I felt I pushed her further away. I shouldn't have pushed so hard, I made it all about myself, I should have just been patient and waited for her to talk, tell me what she was feeling. I was just desperate not to lose her. I am an idiot. She is gone now, almost out of my reach. I hope I get her back. Although she doesn't believe me, I really do need her. What a shame.
i totally understand this feeling. that was me and one of my recent friendship breakups. the most important one to me. he was there for everything and i appreciated it. and one day we just grew apart after stuff happened and we could never recover.
what i like to say is. even though it is sad. that time period when they were with us was filled with happy moments and helped us learn and grow and show us that true happiness and love and friendship exist.
maybe they weren’t a forever person but they were that person for that time:)
- @steph8402 hmm
- deep n interesting
@DaZen345 lmao right?! and i was like 13 when i wrote it 🤓
@steph8402 damn. it sure is deep. it shows how observant and reflective you are. which is a very good trait.
but at the same time its sad. this is disheartening.