vent

@fearlessOcean5083

I am sincerely sorry for your loss. There is nothing I could say that will change how it feels right now. I wish there was a magic combination of words which would bring you comfort and soothe the distress and take away the hurt. I am sure you have already heard all the platitudes and supportive statements about how things will get easier given time, but I fully understand that they do very little to change the pain you feel right now.

Grief is ferocious and it can feel overwhelming. It can sneak up on you in moments when you think you are on top of things, and it can feel louder and more insistent when you are on your own. I think you articulate very well how potent it is and how challenging it can be to just keep ticking along when you have that storm of emotions inside. 

It is heart-breaking that you feel you have to act fine. You do not. You are suffering and there is no rulebook saying how you can or cannot act. It is deeply personal, and who you choose to confide in, how you decide to act, and how much or little you express your emotions is all valid. Only you can know what feels right for you. I appreciate how you say you do not want to make it about you, and you show great empathy towards those others who also are grieving. That attitude is to your credit. But at the end of the day, it IS about you, just as their grief IS about them. They will deal with it as they find easiest, and it is fine for you to do the same. 

When things get really hard, perhaps focussing on some of the reasons behind why it hurts and makes you angry might help soften the sharp edges a little? You love your father and he loved you. He wanted the best for you, and revelled in your triumphs and successes. He meant a lot to other people who care for him still. His life enriched yours and others, and that influence will last forever. 

I understand that will not make it stop hurting, but maybe it will help alleviate the times when things feel too much. It sounds like there must be many sweet, happy, and loving memories you have about your dad. Maybe cleaving to those might help there be more sad tears and less angry ones?

You can talk to others. It is fine to voice your thoughts. Maybe friends and others might not understand, but sometimes it helps just letting it out. Maybe they might even surprise you.

I am confident your dad would be proud to know his daughter cares so much.

Hello, if you wish to talk, you can text me.

I'm so sorry to hear that, it is a very tough time, grieving takes a very long time sometime you feel better and sometime it just comes back unnotice

I'm glad that you're able to talk about this here, please know that you are not alone, a lot of us are going through the same thing, it is completely understandable

I'm sure your friends and mum would understand that but if any time you need to talk about this, this is the right place

Sending you hugs and best wishes

You have every right to feel the way you feel. You. Love your dad! Please relive that love and joy through his memories that you had with him! Losing a loved one does create a hole in your life. It's sad. But living and reliving the memories of all the good times can help fill that hole! I hope you find your peace with the loss of your dad and condolences for your loss. I think if more people know about your situation, you will get more sympathy and or understanding from the community. I wish you peace, joy and happiness and I hope you carry forward in a positive loving manner! Keep well

@fearlessOcean5083 I'm so sorry for your loss. Losing a parent is hard. It changes you. I lost my father to cancer too a little over a year ago. I haven't been the same since and we weren't even really close.