After all what I've seen, I think I'm ready to give therapy to therapists. (With Elaboration)
I posted the same post before but only title and no more info. I think it's time to elaborate.
Several weeks ago I was admitted to the ICU and was really mentally down. Having so much free time made me wonder why was this happening? Why me? And so on...
I started answering my own questions remembering that there were patients whom i failed to save and probably what was happening to me was just karma. Moreover I kept overthinking a firefighter (work colleague) which i had feelings for and he also had feelings back but we can't date because the nature of our jobs. (I know this point about not dating requires more explanation but it's off topic). Anyway one of my friends offered me an online therapist which is well known and supposedly helpful.
I told her about the cases I saw, the losses I dealt with (during work) and about this firefighter. She was so confused and she seemed more traumatised and shocked than I ever was. I had to apologise and ask her if it was the first time she dealt with a first responder. But she told me she deals with them all time and started talking about her "police friend" who vents to her after every shift. In conclusion, no therapy could work for me instead i could be their therapist lol. I know had to handle a loss now and how to view a case as work and no more. Of course during dealing with patients I feel what they're going through but once we're done dealing with it, I have to move on. I hate venting about my worst cases because I'm certain that whoever gets to be the listener will eventually need therapy because of me haha. Yet people still ask me about my worst calls.
@TheRandomEMT
Hi, I'm sorry to hear that because of your's and the firefighter's work, you two couldn't date. But now, you became a therapist and could help lots of people that have the same experience as you. However, if this is the work that you like, even if its kinda hard at first, you will enjoy the time as you work. Have a nice day, thanks.
@magnoliahua
Not technically a therapist but I meant that there's no way i could get therapy that i even could give therapists therapy haha
Thanks for your kind words
@TheRandomEMT
Hey there! Thank you for sharing your story, it was amazing to read this! I'm sorry to hear you were feeling down recently, and I understand how circular and negative certain thoughts can get when you're stuck in a hard place. Just remember that negative thoughts can always occur (as part of our overthinking human tendencies) but just because you think something, doesn't mean it is true!
Also, while it seems like you've learned a lot from this experience, you're allowed to be human and it's only normal to have these emotions, especially considering the nature of your job.
In a way, I can relate to being the person who always ends up being the therapist (even when I'm supposed to be getting support) and while you're an incredible and empathetic person for doing that, you also deserve to have a solid support system of your own. I know you must feel like a burden at times, but your story is important, no matter how dark the things you've experienced are.
However, I know that it can be difficult to talk about the difficult things you've gone through especially out of fear of aversive reactions like your therapist's. I hope you find that 7 Cups is a place for you to express yourself freely and remember you're the one getting support when you start becoming the therapist!
@sophiasanae
Appreciate the reply! Sure, 7 Cups is a helpful place but I still can't share some stuff here freely.
@TheRandomEMT
That makes sense! Still, I hope you find some sort of support system in the future!