1 year and 3 months later, I still can't stop thinking about her
It's been a little over a year since a friend of mine passed away from cancer and to my surprise it has hit me much harder than I expected. I know that sounds horrible, but I really thought that moving on from a friend's death would be much easier than this. It pains me so much to know how much suffering she went through, that such a brilliant mind with so much potential is no longer with us. That she's gone forever and that I'll never get to even say Hi to her again. It fucking sucks. It has been very hard for me to function since then. The first few months were hell. I was constantly breaking down, getting emotional over the littlest of things. Every time I think I finally got over it, something reminds me of her again and the cycle starts all over. I keep asking myself 'Why?', 'Why her?', 'What did she do to deserve this?', the injustice is ridiculous. She was a 1 in a million type of kid. Smart, pretty, creative, great at writing, and most importantly, the nicest person I've ever met. Reading through the logs, about her plans for when she would be in remission, her accounts of her numerous surgeries, secondary illnesses and near-death experiences, about all the shitty things that she went through, ultimately for nothing... It breaks my heart. I miss her every day.
(I apologize for any grammatical/semantical inconsistencies and errors, I'm not a native speaker, although I'm open to any corrections.)
@goldenCherry7061
Hello there, my name is Emma, I'm one of the listeners here, and I'd like to thank you for writing here today, I understand it can be quite difficult to air your feeling in public, so I'd like to remind you, how lovely and brave that was of you❤
Gosh, you friend sounds like an incredible strong person, and how lovely that you guys were friends, I hope that brings you some comfort? The times you guys shared? Because it should do! For two people to share such a bond for even a short while is absolutely amazing! And I'm pretty sure you cherish your memories! You know, the great thing about memories is, they get to travel through life with you, they get to see what you see, they are yours and they never leave! You see, your friend, I'm guessing she'd want you to be happy, she'd want you to remember her at her highest laughter, greatest times, and live through the your laughter, I say this and it sounds 'tongue and cheek'! But the truth is, I've also lost good friends through this horrible illness, and it's awful, truly awful, but it's our job to make them smile from above, and you can do that sweetheart by living your life, and making good choices for you, so, if some days your feeling sad because of your loss, that's okay, if somedays your feeling empowered because of her courage, that's okay too, because one day, this will all come together, and you'll reach an understanding.
I wish you well lovely, and if you'd like to chat, I welcome you to pm me. Take care for now x
It is not easy to deal with the loss of anyone. You will get over it in your own time. There is no need for you to feel guilty because you are not over it.
