Don't know what to do
Hi! A little introduction, I'm an introverted student in the early 20s. I barely ever post anything anywhere, but I guess this time I need to just give it a try. Apologies first though, if these doesn't really belong here or if my story is a bit chaotic.
I'm currently trying to continue my study towards masters, but everything went down after I obtained my bachelor last year. I finished my thesis late, so that I practically had no break between finishing bachelor and starting new classes. In a very short time I became completely non-functional. I dont go to universities, dont feel like meeting anyone at all, alcohol abuse, etc. I thought I needed a break, so I took a vacation last December. It didnt help.
I still got irritated meeting other people, even (sometimes) friends. I cant read anything that requires thinking, my mind would just be dead after 1 or 2 hours. I cant even hold myself to learn a new song to play with my guitar or to sketch something properly. And having no girlfriend doesnt help either (never had any success with that, although Im straight).
A few reads suggested that Im depressed, but I literally have no reason to. My lifes fine (As in, financial and health-related), but Im just stuck for like no rerason, so Im quite confused. My friends are getting concerned about me as well. My flatmate was actually worried and checked on me when I only didnt make dinner at the usual time the other day. Some suggested that probably my study isnt for me, it might be better if I switch. I used to fancy art and architecture, but chose engineering (which is like my other hobby) for better practicality. But I actually enjoyed it when I was in my bachelor, and was relatively decent at it. Some suggested me to take long vacation to my parents, but I dont want them to know. And my family is a bit conservative, so residing to them in this condition may be regarded as disappointment or disgrace.
Now I don't know what to do. Any suggestions would be appreciated. Sorry for the long ramble.
Dear Kid123,
I admire your drive and tenacity to continue your education despite the difficulties you have listed. It sounds like you are highly intelligent and probably a brilliant student who has been hyper focused on your studies for a long time. I'm sorry to hear of your confusion and struggle.
Just some thoughts as I read your post--
Moving forward with a clear purpose and goal in mind sometimes gives peace. Knowing what the next step is and why that step is important sometimes gives the courage to get through the trivial and meaningless tasks that come with everyday life. At some point it will all be worth it and make a difference to you and/or others. Maybe you haven't been able to focus on the "why" of what you are doing. Do you have a goal or job in mind for when your masters is finished? Or perhaps some kind of humanitarian or charitable service planned? Helping others is very satisfying and often gives a sense of satisfaction that may be the missing balance you are looking for.
As an introvert, be sure to aknowledge your own accomplishments and goodness to yourself. Be kind to yourself!
Finally, I would venture to guess that your parents care about you more than you know. It is understandable to be afraid of their disappointment and lack of approval, but as a parent myself, I would be devastated to know that my child was struggling and didn't reach out to me for help. Possibly your parents feel the same way.
I wish you the very best and hope you can feel the loving vibes being sent your way as you find your path.
@ImGonnaBe Thank you very much to reading through such a (long) post. As you've guessed, I should admit that it's true I haven't really thought about any activities in mind after my education. I was more focused on (only) getting the degree, and sort of "plan" to go with the flow afterwards. Accomplishments are another difficult thing to acknowledge, mainly because I'm one of the people that shy away if there are any "competition". Regarding my parents, I will try to gather the courage to, although it might be a while.
Again, thank you very much for your opinion, these topics shall be on my contemplation list. I apologize if this reply doesn't seem to conform to your opinion, but I really appreciate the gesture and will really consider these points. Also, I wish the very best for you and your family.
Be kind to yourself.