I worry about her
She is my best friend (35) and I am 17, and we are very good friends. She is pretty much my 2nd mother. She started addiction young and got into AA, after many years she decided its a cult and started drinking again. I was worried about that but she proved herself responsible and does really good with it. Well she goes to clubs most Fridays night and stays till about 2am with her friends and I hate this. I worry so much and we talked about it but its pretty much " i love you but you can't control me, trust me I am responsible" and I do trust her but I hate how late it is. We talked about it alot and working things out in the past. Last night I had a break down, I stayed up waiting for her and I went alittle crazy. She accepted me waiting for her and tried to calm me but I am so stubborn I am having a hard time doing it. This has all been over texting and normally we call after arguments to work everything out and that makes it all alot better, I don't know if I have time to call her today I am going to be away. I know Its not my life, I know that me being intimated by never being out like that add to my anxiety but I just can't shake the worrying. I do trust her. I am just afraid. I am afraid of losing her, of anything happening to her, of her hating me. I realize I am also jealous of her, I have never been out with friends like that. In a way I want her life. Sorry how long and confusing this is. I think I'll text her I am sorry, she is with a friend right now and I don't want to bother her. I need fresh eyes, please anything you can think of I would love to hear.
I understand how this really worries you. She is your best friend and she is a second mother to you. You really care about her and you look up to her in a lot of ways. You want to make sure that she is on track and that she is safe and secure. You do not want anything to happen to her. It's really difficult and upsetting to see someone turn to addiction. It bothers you a lot because you feel that you do not have the control within you to protect her when you feel that she may need it. It bothers you too that she is not always available to you, especially when you talk to her about how you feel about her. And the other reason why you are upset is that you wish that you had the fun and excitement with peers like how she does. You know that she is responsible but it is really hard for you to trust her because you don't trust that she will stay out of harm's way. It's really hard for you to relax with al of those worries. And you don't want to bother her or have her hate you. You wanting to have her life anc to control it makes it harder for you to be happy
(Sorry for the late response) I talked it out with her and god it felt better. I was driving my self crazy and giving myself break downs over it. But we both love talking things through and we saw how each other was feeling and we made our voices heard. Posting this really helped to get out my head and stop the cycle of thinking I was doing, so thank you for listening and understanding.