Oh family drama
I just need to vent off a rant.
My mum was sick. She asked to go to the ER (she doesn’t speak English). So I wanted my second brother to go as well since I’ll have to leave in an hour and a half to go pick up my sister. He wouldn’t. His lame excuses were, take the sister off school early, go to the ER after the sister is picked up, or just leave her until the ER visit is done. We argued. I expected him to pitch in and help. A very small expectation of him. He was home, no job, no income - the least he could do is care about our mom. This *** me off.
I couldn’t rely on him even on minor things like this. I know if my deceased brother is home, he would have driven my mom to the ER. If he doesn’t, he would have pick up my sister so I can take my mom to the ER. When I mentioned my deceased brother would have done it, my brother replied “oh, so you’re comparing us!” My response was “*** yea I am.”
Why wouldn’t I? It is not wrong to see what my deceased brother had done and what my second brother had done for the family. My deceased brother may not be the best man and may not have made the best choices but he had a job and he took on some of the burden of the family. I know I can ask him to do minor things for me like picking up my sister or doing things for my parents (errands and doctor appointments). My mum doesn’t drive and is diabetic while my dad had a stroke and is disabled. These two don’t get along since my dad was abusive to my mom and they live separate. That’s two households I’m running back and forth between. My deceased brother took on some of those burden but since he had been gone - let’s not even go there. I’m just gonna cry over this.
I’m just tired.
Continuing: I get so worry too. That if I’m gone, what would happen to my second brother and sister. My sister is still a minor and very shy. My second is a big lazy ***. I worry a lot about my mom too. She depends a lot on us children. This is why I say I feel like a single mom. Been at this since 2015 when my dad had his stroke. My dad? He probably wouldn’t grief as much. He has a nasty mouth.
My therapist told me I need a stronger support. Friends. A dating life. Someone who I can depend on. But how can I? Someday I feel I can’t even face the world. Other times, I would feel bad for anybody who end up with me. My burden would be too heavy for them to watch. I don’t want them to feel sorry for me. I also don’t want to ruin their mood and day with my dramas.