Talking myself out of help?
I find myself struggling almost daily with this. Is there really something going on? Is there truly something off in my brain, or am I just overthinking? The thought of seeing a professional, only to be told that I’m fine, is terrifying. I don’t feel fine, but I don’t know exactly what’s wrong, so I must just be normal, right? Everyone has problems, why am I making mine out to be so huge?
This cycle has been feeding itself for literally years. The first time I was able to reach out to a professional, I was given medication that I could not take while pregnant after expressly stating the fact. That was 10 years ago.
8 years ago, I found the strength to try again. This time, I was put in group therapy because of being uninsured, and I found myself comparing my problems with others, and realized that they needed help way more than I did. They were struggling through things like divorce, custody battles, addictions; I had a job, custody of my kids, and a warm place to sleep. I told myself I was being weak, and should feel ashamed that I considered myself on par with those folks going through their problems.
I guess it feels like I’m drowning, screaming for help, but I keep telling myself I could stand up if I wanted to.
Nobody can decide how big or small your problems are. You are the one who lives them, and you clearly don't feel well. There is nothing wrong with asking for help from someone who is there to offer it to us. A psychologist will never tell you that your reasons are not important enough to be worthy of attention, because if they did tell you, that would mean that all their years of study would be literally useless. Pain is something subjective, if all this hurts you, it hurts you. You don't have to invalidate your own feelings. You don't need to keep resisting alone, you don't have to prove anything to anyone. You are not weak if you choose to be helped, but on the contrary it is the bravest choice you can make at the moment. Because it takes courage to choose to undertake a path of therapy. So my advice is to stop trying to go through this alone, because you are not. I hope you will make the right decision