When The "SUN" Goes down

If you are not comfortable in.taking about yourself you are free to write a. Metaphor :-D

This comes at a moment when I was wondering if I tell my employer that my physical condition is making it difficult to take more than two assignments a day, will they be understanding or will I lose my job (that will be horrible)?

I have fought a battle of survival ever since I arrived on this planet. I've gone through unspeakable abuse of all kinds and still struggle with anxiety, depression, trauma, suicidal thoughts, loneliness and a whole lot else. I'm an emotional wreck and barely have control over my mind sometimes. Life has been unfair, as it usually is, but instead of remaining in my past, I've chosen to move on.

Last year I was diagnosed with a complicated neurological disorder and went under the knife. But my nervous system has severely weakened after the surgery. I'm frequently confused, sometimes I don't even comprehend when I'm being talked to and there have been times when I've lost my way home, without even realising it. Travel wears me out and I'm not even talking about the sun. I forget a conversation I had 30 minutes ago and I end up saying and typing the wrong things. I don't feel like in control sometimes.

I work, and do everything else, from home. And I'm happy that way. I don't leave home after sundown if there's no one to accompany me and unless it's too close to home.

I'm different. My needs are different. But more difficult than my 'personal hurdles' is the fact that not many seem to understand my life. Most people think I'm a loner, some even find me uncool because I stay at home most of the time. They are like, "You're a grown woman and you still can't go everywhere, alone? That's funny!" I don't know when will they ever realise that I'm not in the best of either physical or mental health and their judgments don't help at all.

My volunteer work has helped me a lot, though. I not only give others whatever little strength I have but also get a lot of it back in return. The people I help have often come to my aid in my times of need and comforted me. Unloved and uncared by my own folks, forgotten by friends and judged by everyone else, I found hope and strength in complete strangers. Strange, isn't it?

Thanks for the thread. It helps to vent sometimes. :)