Who I Am
I find it hard to put time and energy into all relationships. Why should I care if I hurt them? How come I must spend time with them? Can't they trust that I care? Why do they only want to talk about simple things? It's killing me everyday living. The difference between what's right to them and what's right to me is blurring. Who am I without a person to talk to? Is there even a me when I'm not trying to get along with someone else? Without the expectations, the trapping of me within stereotypes and the constant demands of relationships, chores and school. When am I allowed to cry? Why must I place a smile on my face? Pretend to care? The truth is I don't care. You could be a awful person and as long as you listen to/help me in my troubles. I couldn't care less. What is this dependency on others? I need to get away. To see who I am without others. But, I'm terrified. What if, I am really what they say I am? A coward. A cruel person. A weirdo. A person that isn't going anywhere. A selfish human being. How can I face it, learn to love me again when I don't even know who I am?
@Tamerofbeats
Many people have, what I would consider, a warped idea of what being a 'friend' means. That doesn't mean you shouldn't look for those willing to venture into a real friendship.
Try not to be too hard on yourself. Treat yourself with kindness.
@Tamerofbeats You sound a little conceited/stuck up and indeed selfish. If you are so self centered, why would you even consider to have friendships or relationships? People don't want to talk to someone who only wants to talk about themselves. I had a friend like that in high school. She was so pretty, in perfect shape, and all the guys liked her. I basically stayed friends w/her just to gain some popularity. lol That is not a true friendship. She is 31 now and still not married or in a stable relationship!
Maybe you should reexamine yourself? Do you love yourself or are you putting on this ego trip just to impress people? Everyone has a good heart and I know you do too, you are just rebelling for some reason. I have issues showing feelings b/c I grew up w/an emotionless mother. I know that you are a good person, but maybe you are doubting yourself? Hurting others won't heal the problem. I rebelled too when I was younger. Well I hope you figure things out.