Wtf. 😳
I feel like this post is going to be a vent session with a dash of questions. I find cups to be soothing. A place to go to offer love to others, laugh and grow. Often they’ll be posts stating “TW” and that’s very much appreciated. I think for the first time I have seen a comment that I want to retaliate with not so kind words. It probably won’t be the last. How do you deal? It’s taking up space in my head and I feel the only way to get past it is to tell them off. That’s not who I am. The phrase “hurt people, hurt people” comes to mind. Certainly do not want to add fuel to the fire, create negativity, drama…etc etc that’s not my life style by any means.
Furthermore, this brings up feelings of rejection and imperfections. The abandoned child that not loved or cared for. I don’t think I people please to strangers. Mostly family. But I also don’t like when people don’t like me. I understand not everyone likes each other but, it’s more of when they blatantly show it. Hire do I get past this? I guess I know it’s deep rooted and I was trying to figure out why the post hit a nerve.
Much love 💕
It's hard to just let it go. Probably sometimes u will say things u regret like everyone else. We are only human. U can always try to let it go or try to apologize if you say something you regret. It's good u are venting here too! Not all feelings are positive and sometimes we want to tangle like cats lol 🐱🐈🐈⬛
@peachThinker662 Hey Peach :) I've seen posts like this. The tone comes across wrong or what the person has said is just mean. The best thing to do is flag it for unsupportive content. That said... Sometimes my words move faster than they should. Or brain decides it won't be happy until I say something and I will call someone out on it and hit post. Do I regret it afterwards... usually not lol.
Venting about it can help too. I mean, I'm not suggesting you go off on the person full tilt but sometimes just reminding them that this is a supportive space for everyone can make a difference.
@peachThinker662 sits beside you and hugs you tightly 💖 words can really hurt, I wish people were more careful with them 🙁 I'm sorry someone wasn't being kind to you 😥 I know it's hard to get passed, I always go have a little cry them come back when I've calmed down 💖 please know that people are mean it's a reflection of them not you💖 you are loved here, and deserve to be shown that💖 I hope your feeling a bit better now??
I said something BUT I said it nicely. I tried to place it from a different perspective. But I couldn’t get past it. Words do hurt sometimes, but our feelings matter too. Maybe I can earn some tougher skin. Love you guys!
@peachThinker662 There's nothing wrong with saying it politely. It's good to stand up for yourself and for others when need be. I'm proud of you! Yay you! 😊
@peachThinker662 well done 💖💖
@peachThinker662
How I decide what to do with the mean stuff:
If it's directed at you:
- you can always ask the person to elaborate, and/or say that the words hurt you. Often, people aren't trying to be mean, they just had some unfortunate wording and will explain themselves or apologise, making it clear that they didn't intend their comment to be hurtful
- you can flag the comment as unsupportive and the mods will clean it up for you
- you can take it as an exercise of learning to be okay with not everyone being nice to you on the first try. Often, it says a lot more about them then it does about you, it's something I'm currently working on myself (although be very careful with this technique and only do it if you are in the right mental place, so be very mindful of how much can you expose yourself to negative things at the given moment, your wellbeing comes first. There is nothing wrong with deciding today is not the day and simply reporting the comment for being mean)
If it's directed at someone else:
- you can choose if you want to engage in a conversation or no, but tbh for me it's mostly just reading it and going dang some people are really dumb, then leaving a separate comment with my own thoughts and moving on with my life
If you decide to challenge it, ask yourself if the comment is genuinely and objectively mean, or if it is more of unfortunate wording/tough love/hard truth/if op kinda deserved it (for example if someone cheated or did something bad, they will naturally have people tell them they messed up and those people will be right to call it), as some of us are more Reddit raised here and can get a little blunt and direct, without meaning harm 😅 in that case, just leave a separate comment with your thoughts and judge the offender in silence, as that comment may be something op need to hear or not find it problematic at all. (In case they do, they can choose what to do with it themselves)
In case the comment is objectively mean, the best way to go about it is report it as unsupportive, as in most cases, when someone is an ***, they are usually not very open to discussion or criticism. Engaging with them will not lead anywhere, just upset you more.
If it happens that a mean comment manages to upset you beyond a moment, it's completely valid to take a little time to calm down. You can always make yourself some tea, listen to some music, browse the ice breakers and games fun forum or watch a video a little to calm down and then come back to browsing cups with a reset nervous system 😊
@sadcat13
I really really appreciate all of this advice. I think each piece can be utilized in various situations. I’ve never put into account the Reddit factor-that was enlightening for sure.
The reason I often don’t speak up regardless is because I’m concerned of negative feedback. I don’t want to be seen as rude, childish or down right mean. Don’t wanna be a *itch. But, I hold a lot of tension in my shoulders and I truly think it’s from not speaking my mind. My OCD brain allows it to spin and spin and pick apart every piece. It’s exhausting.
@peachThinker662 I mean, as a proud Reddit crowder I certainly don't mind you telling people to *** off from time to time, especially if they were mean to you, just find a diplomatic, plausible deniability way for it to not get banned 😁 just make sure to pick your battles, and know when it is worth it, as most of the time it is not really worth it at all.
@sadcat13
@sadcat13
pick my battles is definitely key!!!!
@peachThinker662 yesss 😁 for most of the cases, the top strategies are the best ones, at least for me 😊
Report and ignore.
I’ve also read that saying “Ouch” is very effective.