Anxiety & dissociation
I've struggled with anxiety for most of my life and, as a result, I almost have two different personas: who I truly am in my mind, and who I am to other people. In reality, I'm extremely outgoing, loud, and extroverted, though anxiety has prevented me from showing this side of myself except to those I'm very comfortable with. To most people, I am quiet, shy, and reserved. This is not true at all. I feel such a disconnect between these two "personas." I look in the mirror and I feel like I don't recognize myself. The person that everyone knows me as, that's not me. I feel so conflicted between who I really am and who anxiety is forcing me to be. My mind feels so dissociated from my physical body. Does anyone else struggle with this problem? If so, how have you coped with it?
@anxiouspup
I used to feel this a lot more – you know, this dissociation between who I felt I was and how I showed myself to people. But it was pretty much the opposite: people always had the idea I was an outgoing, sunny person all the time, even though I always felt my "true" identity was of an introvert, a guy who's always sad. Kind of a "tears of a clown" situation. I still feel it nowadays, but tended to accept these two sides of myself as time went by – sides of the same coin.
We can't be happy or sad all the time: what defines us as human are both the good and bad moments we go through, and how we react to them. Acceptance is the best tool for that: knowing that even the worst of you is something under your control gives you power over this side of your personality.
It's actually pretty normal to feel you are a totally different person under depression and/or anxiety. The thing is that you gotta admit to yourself that this "other person" is actually yourself, but also admit that this is not who you want to be defined by.
