Any advice on how to deal with this? BIG TW (SA)

I hope this is a place where I could talk about sa. (Sexu@l @ss@ult). For context I’m 16. When I was in 3rd grade I had a best friend Madelyn. She ended up sa me in a public bathroom at school. I felt so humiliated after. I was only 8, but so was she. She blackmailed me about it too. After 3rd grade I never spoke to her again since I moved schools but that wasn’t the last time. I saw her. That last time I saw her was at an orchestra concert in 5th grade. That was a bad day. But because of separate family issues, I’ve never had therapy before. I want it so bad, but I doubt that I’d actually get any help while I’m still under my parents roof. I think about Madelyn everyday and what she did to me. I think about how she was probably also sa at a young age and that’s why she did that, but even then it hurt me so much. I felt so betrayed. And apart of me feels bad for her, but I’m still a victim. I jsut don’t know how to deal with it. It’s been 8 years since I was sa, and I cry about it every night. I just want it to go away. Does anyone know how I can deal with this?