Trying to Understand ASPD — My Friend Was Recently Diagnosed

@sunflower035

Firstly can I just say, you are such a good friend and a kind person 💜💕

Your friend is lucky to be able to call you a friend .

I wish more people took the time to learn more and be less judgemental.

We are not defined solely by a mental health label.

While I have no direct experience, I hope that people who have may reach out to you.

Welcome and nice to meet you 💜💕

@sunflower035

@Amanda84

Hi Sunflower! 😊  ❤️

Thank you for your forum post! 😊 ❤️

Ultimately, I'm going with, what Amanda said! 😊 (I won't retype their words here and I feel the very same way)! 

So, let's see....while I don't experience ASPD personally, I just so happen to know a bit about the subject matter. I think that it's really incredible that you are trying to be kind, fair, considerate, non judgemental and simply wanting to learn about what this could mean for others. 

Everyone experiences the world differently and everyone can "present" differently while having the same diagnosis as others. The traits/behaviors of those with ASPD can also be put on a spectrum and so there are different levels, gradients. 

For me, the good news is that your friend was willing to reach out for help and support to even receive  a diagnosis for this as, that is quite rare as well as having the courage to share that with you, also, quite rare to see. It seems as if they are a willing spirit and are simply trying to make sense of the world around them, how they fit into it and have questioned their responses to things. 

I agree with you. There is a great deal of stigma with having this diagnosis. Some of these folks can be incredibly dangerous. And some of them, not so much, it's just experiencing the world differently. 

In my travels, I have come across 3 different points of interest that have helped me to remain open minded, less judgemental as I want to have empathy and compassion for us all. 

The first...I read a story from a man that said he has ASPD. He is married and has a child. While he admitted that he has very little feelings at all, he said that he always operates from a position of honor. His wife and child have no idea that he has ASPD and he has no inclination to share that information. He said that if his wife decided to leave him, it wouldn't effect him, at all. Leave, don't leave, whatever kind of thing however, he shows up for his family day in and day out. He is gainfully employed, provides for them financially, is very protective of them and goes through the motions to engage with them to the level of they would never even know. He wears a mask that is firmly in place and he will always do the honorable thing where they are considered. Doesn't sound like quite the "meanie" to me? He sounds as if he would never do anything to hurt them and wouldn't let anyone else do it either.

Second story I read was from a guy that said he had a friend in college. They were really great friends. Over time, this friend of his was most helpful for him to notice negative behaviors in others and point them out,  people that didn't have his best interest at heart. This friend was consistently spot on and one day he asked how it is that he was so very aware. The friend shared that he had ASPD so could quickly identify what others were up to. (I guess kind of how his mind worked). 

The friend explained that the way that they saw things was that he could see more than others because they had very little emotions involved if any at all,  and so none of that clouded their vision while others where slaves to their very own emotions and were easily fooled. The writer said that the 2 are still life long friends, most dedicated and loyal friend he has ever had. 

The third thing was from Dr. K of HealthyGamerGG. I really like this guy. He will always be straight with his audience and do it sometimes in a funny or captivating way. He mentioned some really important things in regard to ASPD traits. That sometimes being overly emotional, being too connected to your feelings and others, might not serve you well with your path in life, what it is that you choose to do for a living, your career.

He gave the example of himself. That while he is a clinician, he kind of mentioned that he might not score very high at all, on an empathy scale. That he himself has some of those traits and he is the better for it. He gave the example that how in the world could he effectively help others if he broke down and cried with each of his clients because he really was "feeling so very much". Kind of made sense to me.

Further reading for me, just because I have an interest in Cluster B personality disorders, was listening to concepts in regard to things like...."well, If I want a heart surgeon to operate on me, I want a psychopath because they wont' break down and cry, won't get stressed, will remain focused, unphased and get the job done simply because it's their job and their route is to be successful and be the best of the best. Ego driven. 

Makes sense to me for warriors that have to go off to battle, morticians, butchers that handle and process meat, etc. All things in moderation I guess and there can be a place for us all in society that serves us all (as long as parts of themselves are kept under control). 

For me, if there ever was such a thing as an empath, well, there I am. Seems like some empaths are even magnets for others that want to bad things to others. As an empath, I'm not willing to "throw out the baby with the bathwater" however I have taken a thoughtful approach, have been researching Cluster B personality disorders for about 5 years now in an effort to learn about the disparity between me and others as well to see that not all people that are part of that cluster are dangerous,mean spirited or mean harm. 

In my journey I also understand that I might be an empath that has gone "supernova" more than a few times. At this point in life, I just might be a "fully integrated empath" or at least one that is integretating, that has done enough shadow work to peek "over that wall", pick up on traits quickly, pattern recognition, etc. Even if I see it, doesn't mean I have to comment on it, ever. It's best to not comment on it, lol 😊 if one see's the "dangerous type"/mentally and emotionally abusive. Self preservation is not a bad thing. 

Again Sunflower, thank you so very much for such an incredibly kind and thoughtful forum post. It sounds like your friend is being very forthcoming, is being quite genuine and thoughtful as well in their approach too! 

*high fives* 😊 and *hugs* ❤️

Clearly your friend is important to you and the relationship with them.