Collective Grief Diary
I'm going through multiple grief for several years now. I have so much to say but nowhere to say it. So, I'll write down my thoughts about grief here, and everyone else going through grief can also write in here. I hope this collective diary reaches our loved ones who are departed.
30 August, 2026
I discovered my father's diary today. It was written at the time when all of us were going through a really painful time. The thing that haunts me, and perhaps would haunt me all my life- is that he always misunderstood me. He got a lot of pain because of me. Because no one told me I was neurodivergent and there was help. No one helped me. And it strained my relationship with my father. This'll haunt me forever. I feel like it's sealed on my forehead.
@inthequeue
I'm sorry you are grieving but this guilt is no longer yours to carry and you deserve the time to heal and be gentle with yourself 💛💛
@Amanda84 Thank you 💚
@inthequeue
A pleasure 💜
@inthequeue
30 August, 2026
Ever since I went back to school to pursue my post-grad, I've been feeling emotional. I'm doing well, and that's because I now have help. I know I'm not alone, I am neurodivergent and many people are same as me and have figured out things that worked. It's amazing to finally find help. But it's also sad and infuriating to know that no one told me this. I always had problem with asking for help. Yet I begged people to help me. Because I didn't want to let my parents down. Yet, none of them helped me. They rather wasted my time or made things more complicated. Even the professionals failed to understand the simple thing that my task paralysis was involunteery. It was maddening. They kept lecturing me. I am at one hand angry at my father for misunderstanding me, for not trusting me and trusting others , even strangers over me. On the other hand, I feel terrible thinking how helpless he must have felt. How no one helped him and told him. Academia has this become a very painful place for me. I'm good at studies, I'm getting great scores and enjoying my studies. Yet I want to finish the degree as soon as possible, as there are so much pain attached to it. I wish you were here to see me succeed. Every time I go to classes, I hope I can bring you some day and watch you roam around the campus. Some days, I feel like I can almost see you watching me and walking around the campus
@inthequeue
September 14, 2026
Today was the final exam of our course. I kept imagining you were there with me. You always were excited to be part of our education journey. There's a girl in my class. She comes with her father. He waits on the campus while she's in the class. One time I was coming out of the elevator and saw him eagerly waiting for his daughter. And today, when I came out, I saw him waiting for his daughter. I wanted to tell him that she's still writing and would be out in ten more minutes. I could almost see that he was waiting to hear from her how the exam went and what did she think of it all. My father used to love hearing these things as well and learning more about us and our journey.