Grief TW cancer
So.... Last year. Around this time upcoming.... A lot happened. I rang in the new year, 2022 with my friend. And then... Come February 19th.... She... Suffered and passed away from brain cancer. I was on call with someone else when a person I am no longer friends with. Called me. To tell me... Our mutual friend had died. I was alone when my friend passed away. I remember screaming and shouting and Calling another friend and no one came to me. There was no empathy. There was no comfort. I screamed. I cried. I blasted music in my ears and fell into a grief ridden depression. For weeks after that... There was no texts to check in on me. No family made sure I was alright. all I had was what I could use to cope. I have a spiritual belief. So I guess that's all I had. I needed more than that... I needed someone to tell me I was going to be ok. That it was ok to hurt. To cry. I needed someone to let me cry in their arms.
And now. I cut off every single one of those ppl who abandoned me in my grief. They're not around anymore. And I'm facing this anniversary of my friend's death alone.
Ive had anxiety being graced with such amazing opportunities. I felt guilty. Did I deserve to go after these things? It hurts knowing she isn't here. I keep bracing for that day. I keep bracing for the memories I know that'll resurface. The hurt.... I loss. Every sad moment that followed those six months after she died. The anger. Why did they leave me? Why did they hurt me? Why couldn't they pick up the dang phone and reassure me? Why? I had done so for them! I was there for them! Instead they hurt me my giving me silence. And now I'm here. I feel so bitter towards the idea of friendship. I feel bitter towards love. Id rather shut off my heart to anyone. Than open it at this point. I miss my friend. And I feel alone this month. Despite everything.
@FaithfulGeekyGal20
I am so sorry for your loss and the pain you have had to endure. Losing a friend is never easy, and I cannot imagine how difficult it must have been to grieve alone without the support of those who were supposed to be there for you. It is understandable that you feel bitter towards the idea of friendship and love. However, it's important to remember that not everyone is the same. There are people out there who will support you and be there for you when you need them.
As you approach the anniversary of your friend's passing, it's okay to feel anxious and to brace yourself for the memories and emotions that may come up. It's also okay to take the time to grieve in your own way. Remember that your friend would want you to take care of yourself and to be kind to yourself. It's never easy to lose someone you care about, but it's important to keep moving forward and to keep their memory alive. If you feel like you need someone to talk to or to cry with, know that there are people out there who care and are willing to listen.
@Mya000 thank you. Yesterday was the anniversary of her passing. She died on the 19th of February. This is the week I was at her funeral. The last time I was with the ppl who knew her before it all changed and went wrong. I cried and was angry a lot yesterday. But I did let it out through my tears, and I did let it out alone. I had a twinnings orange cinnamon tea, I made myself a plate of British biscuts from an import store Ive got. And I watched a few comedy shows. I was able to get through it. Though its tough. Its been a tough few days, but I'm hanging in there. Even if everyone else forgets her. I won't.
@FaithfulGeekyGal20
I'm glad to hear that you were able to let your emotions out and take care of yourself on the anniversary of your friend's passing. It takes strength to face difficult days like this, and it sounds like you did what you needed to do to get through it. It's understandable to feel angry and alone.
Your friend will always be a part of you, and you can keep her memory alive in your own way. It's okay to take time to grieve and process your emotions, and it's also okay to reach out for support when you need it. Take care ❤️
@FaithfulGeekyGal20
I am so so sorry for your loss. I can empathize how hard it is to lose a loved one to cancer. I lost my mom Feb 1st 2020 early in the morning. It was after new years when she was diagnosed and passed three weeks later, so all of January and New Years gets overshadowed by those memories of sleeping in the hospital next to her. It really leaves a hole that never really gets filled again.
I am sorry that you did not get the support you needed during the loss of your friend. I think a lot of the attention goes to supporting the family, and I think the friends can get left behind. My mother had a lot of close friends that I am sure were crushed by her passing as well, but I do not know if people are checking in on them as much as our family. So perhaps this is a reminder for me to send a message letting them know I am there for them as well.
On Feb 1st I do a social media post as a tribute to her, so everyone can take a moment to honor her memory. Also did some fundraiser for her cancer (pancreatic) the first anniversery and did a walk with the organization. There was some healing in being around people who knew what I was experiencing. I just had to keep busy that first year because it was so painful. Some days though, it is just about getting through and taking care of yourself the best you can (which is sounds like that is what you are doing). It is okay okay just to cry through it.
Further, we do have a cancer and grief support section on Cups if that helps at all? Also we are here for you if you need support ❤️