Know Your Common Ground

"I've been to New Zealand, and I really respect and like it. There's a Maori term— turangawaewae, "a place to stand"—that I've come back to many times.

A Place to Stand

I'm sure I don't know the full meaning of the word in its cultural context. But at a basic level, it's clear that we all need a place to stand. A physical place to be sure—hearth and home, land and sea, a bed to curl up in—but also psychological or spiritual places, such as feeling loved, a calm, clear center inside, knowledge of the facts, compassion, ethics, and realistic plans.

This is our ground, the place we rest in and move out from...even under the best of circumstances. And when events at any scale shake you—from changes in your health to changes in your country or world (here's a recent post you may find relevant: Take Heart)—then it's especially important to find and hold your ground.

The Practice

Start with the body and the feeling of being here. The sensations of breathing...heart beating...going on living...feet on the floor, back against a chair. Whatever is true now can never be taken from you.

Then, silly as it may seem, it can help to reassure yourself about the immediate survival and welfare of yourself and those you care about. Check in with your kids and your friends. Separate thoughts and fears about the future from the reality of the present. Remind yourself that, at least in this moment, you and they are still basically OK (of course, only if this is genuinely true).

Know that you stand in a web of relationships, even if it's tattered in some ways. Others do care about you. There is the camaraderie with people who are also shaken.

Establish as best you can the relevant facts. What is currently true? What caused it—particularly the causes that will continue? What is likely to happen in the future? But watch out for obsessing, blaming, or catastrophizing. When things are shaky, it's easy to get revved up in thoughts and analyses, let alone imagined arguments with people on *** or TV (speaking from personal experience).

Sort out the impacts of events on you and on others. Be concrete and realistic about consequences for yourself; don't under or overestimate them. Also, recognize any sense of injustice, moral outrage, compassion, or concern about how others will or could be harmed. This is often the most upsetting aspect of a situation, and naming it to yourself is clarifying and grounding and sets you up to do something about it.

Not an easy thing, but in a way, the art is opening your heart to the likely suffering of others while closing your head to those who are trying to get into it to rattle, frighten, infuriate, or confuse you.

Start figuring out what you are going to do in three areas:

• Personal practice: Stand in what feeds you—like petting your cat, making soup, meditating, loving others, or giving thanks. Guard your attention; disengage from news, Web sites, or interactions that add little value and mainly just upset you.
• Protecting your own interests: Focus on what's in your control. If these apply: take a fresh look at your health, insurance, finances, loose ends, and plans for an emergency. Make a list and work through it. Personally, I find that action eases anxiety.
• For the sake of others: Without falling into righteousness, I think it's important to be confident about what you know is true and about your values. Why is it that the people who are most ignorant of the facts and most casual about how they're harming others are often the ones who look most assured, whether it's across a dining table or on TV? Claim and stand your ground with moral confidence—not wasting time in dead-end arguments or "feeding the trolls," but identifying actions that will make a difference—at whatever scale is accessible to you—and then doing them.

Last, know you are not alone. Whatever you are dealing with, from a personal health problem to a worry about a child to a deep concern about global events, other people right now are also dealing with it or something similar. We stand together on common ground."

*This article was a bit difficult for me to understand at first, but then I started to look at it as we must be able to be confident within ourselves. No matter what is going on, we always have ourselves. We can ground ourselves through practicing gratitude and meditation exercises. It's almost important to remember that there is always someone else who understands what we are going through, no matter the topic. The human experience is a universal one and we are never truly alone! What methods do you use to ground yourself when you may be experiencing some stress?*

#CommonGround #Stress #NeverAlone

Please find the full article at Psychology Today.

If you liked this article, you may like this one on change and transitions!