Sometimes you just need a hug (15 years long hassle)

Hi everyone, 

I felt like sharing this to some others today because it was a bit unexpected and took me by surprise. 

But basically I had been struggling for 15 years. Ruminating on the past due to some unknown health issues, a friendship loss...

2011 was extremely hard for me and even if people might say "Hey it was alright, you didn't lost anyone" I firmly believe this year had taken a bit of my sanity and I was really on edge as I was going through it. I could go into details to explain how bad it was but I was severely lacking nutrients had restless sleep and all my nights were made of suffocating nightmares and I'd perpetually try to catch my breath. I learned 5 years ago it was food intolerances causing this horror but still, this left me really mentally damaged, bitter and traumatized.

And one of the rare things that kept me functioning was music. One artist's music that I had the chance to see and meet on this January and to my own surprise he offered me a hug which (also to my surprise) also deflated my bitterness on the past. 

I guess I just felt a sort of validation. Without even saying a single word, I had simply listened to this guy's music and felt a lot of sympathy for him as he was talking of topics that were heavily relatable at the time for me (loss, letting go, feeling lonely, dealing with certain type of people).

While I was loosing friendships I lost so much time talking and remained misunderstood and here, without a single word, I felt validated. Which still confuses me a lot. But makes me incredibly grateful and touched. 

I still can't quite explain what it did but I guess it felt like the suffering me who felt connected to him through music felt seen. And I was feeling so unseen, and like I could die unnoticed back then... I guess it triggered something.

Since then, I started digging out some old hobbies I frequently stopped due to ruminations. And I see myself feeling able to have more assertiveness and calmness when sick. 

I also tried gathering ideas to start an artistic project inspired by this artist. And it has been a while that I haven't been that invested and thrilled to start working on something. But it really revigorated me and makes me want to pass on the love.

All of this to say that, sometimes, you may see some very old and even traumatic issues resolving themselves without even trying to resolve them. I never expected this to happen out of a hug but here I am. 

The gratefulness I feel is hard to describe. But if all of this have teached me one thing, it's that sometimes words are unnecessary. Actions matters more. 

Thank you, dear artist, for making me feel seen. This may not seem like much to you but you made me feel something very unique and special that nothing else will be able to replicate. I can now look back and accept it all. I dont feel the urge to keep trying to do anything as much as I used to do.

I used to log on my ex-friend popular webcomic/manga in the hope to see myself through it. But I see it is useless now. Because someone resonated with me. That is all I wanted. 

I stopped fighting and I started loving my enemies.

I also hope people who has been in similar situations than mine or even suffering more can be given such a chance to finally come to terms with the past too. No matter the form this will take.

Stay strong. There's still time.