what does it mean to "forgive and forget"?
What does this mean to you?
Very often we hear this phrase
But what does that really mean?
Forgiveness is to stop feeling angry or resentful toward (someone) for an offense, flaw, or mistake. Can we forgive someone and still feel angry or hurt by what they have done? Does forgiving someone mean what happened no longer hurts? Does having long term consequences or effects of the wrong mean we have not forgiven?
What about the "forget" part? Is it really needed in order to forgive? Is it even possible when the wrong hurt so deeply or had a huge impact on us? Does not forgetting mean we have not forgiven? When the wrong changes the way you interact with the wrong doer, does this mean you have held onto the anger or resentment for the act?
I am interested in knowing your thoughts on the phrase "forgive and forget"
@beYOUtywithin I honestly never quite understood the logic behind the quote. Forgive? Yes. Forget? Why? Life's lessons shouldn't be forgotten. You can still find peace and forgiveness and still remember. Just because you forgive someone, it doesn't magically make the offense disappear. Nor would forgetting it amount to anything besides giving the chance for re-offense . If you hurt me, I can forgive. However don't expect me to forget.
I think it's even more beautiful to remember AND to forgive. There's a certain amount of strength to do that, not hiding your head in the sand, pretending people are infallible. I believe in holding people accountable for their actions. The expression always gives off this weak and masochistic sort of vibe to me.
I guess that's my take on it! 
@TrueArrow I agree, not forgetting is human, we often remember things that hurt us deeply and learn from that. I can forgive someone and not be holding their actions against them with anger and resentment but remember the lesson it may have taught me with that person and protect myself from being hurt again.
It is natural that when someone hurts us deeply we lose trust in them. Forgetting those offenses or wrongs they commited towards, us to me, would mean we are opening ourselves up to allow them that trust and ability to reoffend. That trust can be rebuilt, however it takes a lot of healing, but I think the forgiveness is also a part of that healing process.
@beYOUtywithin
Yeah I understand what you're saying, and applied in that manner is how it's supposed to be intended (though I still wouldn't necessarily calling it forgetting, it's more of just the elements of forgiveness. To forget, is failing to remember). The experiences that I have witnessed that the expression was used, is like a form of defeat. For example, someone wronged you and because there is nothing you can do, just "forgive and forget" or in other words, "get over it". When it's applied in that manner, it's more destructive than positive. Then there are those that make the mistake of not becoming wiser from the experience, and allow the same offense to happen over and over. Not everybody can or should forget and not everybody can or should forgive.
I've never fancied the expression and in my experiences has done more harm than good. Of course, everybody has different ways of looking at it.
@beYOUtywithin
I think it means letting go and not holding on forever
@EvelyneRose I get that. With forgiveness we let go of the control anger and pain can have over us. We forget that control, not the offence maybe?
"Forgive and forget"
Two simples words even couple years ago I never really thought much of, in all honesty. How I see it, "forgive", could be you forgive someone for their actions, could be due to mindfulness, understanding of a situation, it could even be what feeling or emotion you've holding onto whatever someone has done for you that you choose to forgive someone so that you can feel free or it could be anything or it could be forgiving yourself. It's hard to forgive either way and forcing someone to do it, i personally don't think it's right unless they choose to do it.
The forgetting part I used to think that you don't forget the actions that people have done so you can either learn from it, be cautious in the future, work around if (for example you're forgive a friend for doing something wrong and you choose to forget their actions so things go smooth sailing) or it could be that you choose to forget that this person or thing could do something like that so it shocks you for example to that point.
Basically what I mean is or what I usually shorten it to with that phrase, forgive and forget could be that you probably forgive the person of their actions but also forget so it doesn't wear you down and without forgetting what they've done so you can learn from it.
forgive and forget
Both pardon and hold no resentment concerning a past event. For example, After Meg and Mary decided to forgive and forget their differences, they became good friends . This phrase dates from the 1300s and was a proverb by the mid-1500s. For a synonym, see let bygones be bygones
The American Heritage Idioms Dictionary.
7 Cuppers! I decided to check the internet for the meaning. I like the idea of letting bygones be bygones. I think it just means, once it's over forgive and move on. I don't think we can take away memory of an action. But we can move on with a heart that is lighter by forgiving ourselves and the other person.
Discussing this was difficult for me because I have forgiven (or looked over things that have happened) so many times until I think I was mixing up forgiveness and blindness.
So now, I see the difference, not because of this post, but because of some serious "soul searching". I had to let go of the situation, forgive myself for staying so long and letting certain things happen, then I had to forgive the other person for so many painful times.
See I think that when something happens with the same person over and over, we really need to think about why we have allowed this situation or relationship to continue. When we finally "get it", then we have to forgive ourselves first for allowing it and then forgive them for trampling on us after we allowed it.
So that is how I see it. We gain an understanding of our role in the situation, we forgive ourselves for our part in the situation, and then we can forgive others.
A way to forgive via heart to heart connection is possible, in my view. I would label it "heart to heart" connection.
For those who believe there is a '"connection" with those you truly love and who truly love you, you can "connect" with them on a heart to heart level without really being face to face. Especially if you can not find the time or the ability to meet with them, then I think we can ask for and give forgiveness across the miles via heart to heart connect. I speak this because I believe we are connected--all of us. And, I believe we can give forgiveness heart to heart and the person will get this forgiveness via our spiritual connections. And, then, your role in the forgiveness process is complete. Thus, lifting the burden from your heart and hopefully from their heart. This would help to make both hearts healthier in the long run. And, then, a mind for forgetting might even be possible, if you believe in the heart and mind connection.
What do you think?
@loyalDay5445 I love your explanation, it really spoke to me. 
I think the original quote, let bygones be bygones makes a whole lot more sense.
@TrueArrow
Hi, thanks for your reply. Yep. That was helpful to me too. Let it go......
@loyalDay5445
When I say "Let it go....." I am thinking of the song from the disney movie. Remember the one that young people are singing....
Often people say 'i forgive but never forget' which to me defeats the purpose it is said that "Time heals all wounds" which to me captures this concept of past being a mere and distant memory.
The concept of forgivenesd to me is very spiritual and selfless. Naturally we all take a long time to 'let people in' and then when hurt or betrayed or let down put the wall back up and always keep some barrier as protection yes who is it protecting? Does it not damage the relationship that obviously matters enough that we are so affected and for it to have come to forgiveness. Whose to say the other person isnt equally as hurt in the pain theyve caused? Why should be deprive ourselves of their love by keeping guarded as if to deem ourselves as perfect!? Have ₩ we done no wrong? Would we want forgiveness from them and how will two wrongs make a right?
To forget is to move on, release, let go....why remember and focus on the bad
@tornwillow Well said! Perhaps another thread we can explore the common quote you shared in this: "Time heals all wounds"
