Day zero

@oliveGrapes00

 It sounds like you are making a very sincere commitment to change. There is great power in that. I've often heard, once a person makes a firm commitment, the universe conspires to make the goal a reality.

For many years, and even now, I'm really good at being wrong, making mistakes and failing. I've come to realize, those occurrences can be considered "rungs on the ladder to success." One of the ultimate failures is in not admitting to mistakes or acknowledging personal attributes that need work.

It took me a while to discover my mental conditioning that undermined my efforts to make positive change. For example, there was a time when I would criticize and shame myself, then resolve to change for the better. The mind exists in multiple layers, but for the purpose of discussion it's okay to say there is a conscious and subconscious mind. When I would criticize and shame myself, there was a great deal of emotion behind it, therefore I was programming my subconscious to believe that low self opinion.

As a result, there was conflict between my conscious resolve to improve and my subconscious that remained convinced that I was a failure and would always fail. So, an inner dialogue might resemble this, (conscious thought) "I'm an incompetent wreck, but I plan on getting better." (subconscious thought) “you are an incompetent wreck, so you can't get better." Many researchers believe that the subconscious works hard to fulfill its own expectations, regardless of what the conscious mind desires or believes.

The subconscious is also very literal. Consider the difference between saying "I'm trying to change," or "I am in the process of changing." Note the little twinge of positive energy that manifests from the second statement. I think the subconscious is like a child that needs compassion and nurturing. This child needs to be reminded of past successes and positive intentions.

When it comes to motivating change, what might happen if you were to treat yourself with the same compassion and understanding as you would treat others?

Regarding procrastination, I used to tell myself that I needed the pressure of a deadline in order to get motivated. Finally, I asked myself "do I really need a deadline?" Finally I convinced myself that it felt so much better to be relaxed and prepared as the deadline approaches. Procrastination also occurs when a project feels overwhelming or at least requiring a lot of effort, and it would be more enjoyable to sit in front of the TV with a slice of pizza. That kind of inertia can be broken by taking the very first step towards accomplishing it.

Vivid visualization, complete with accompanying emotions, can be extremely helpful, and the subconscious is more likely to cooperate.

You mentioned making fun of yourself and letting yourself down. I think the ability to find humor in struggle is an asset. It's a way of letting yourself realize that mistakes can be taken lightly rather than as a reason to lower self-esteem.

A thousand days really isn't that long, especially when you get to be my age. Yet there is great significance in each day. You are never the same person as you were yesterday. With each day, you become wiser, and have a greater store of experience. You are free to abandon baggage from your past that may have been holding you back. Every awakening is a gift, even if it means struggling to get out of bed and making it to work or school.

Feel free to message me if you want. I'd love to know how things are going for you.