Depression,derealization

It’s strange how everyone in my family is outgoing…

and then there’s me. Quiet. Distant. Alone.

Not because I want to be—

but because something inside me never learned how to fit in.

I want friends.

I want to talk.

I want to feel like I exist in someone’s world…

but every time I try, my mind just shuts down.

I freeze. I go blank.

And people never made it easier.

They were never kind to me.

They laughed, whispered, avoided me—

like I was some kind of mistake.

And slowly, I started believing them.

So here I am, watching life from the outside,

wishing I had a normal teenage life,

wishing I knew what it felt like to be wanted.

The older I get, the heavier the regret feels.

I don’t hate my life…

I just wish it had turned out different.

I just wish I had turned out different.

I speak in shadows,

where no one hears my name.

A heart still beating,

but whispering

in pain.