Good moments 🌈

12th march (wednesday): i was able to wake up late today, which was in a way a pretty good thing. i got out of bed at 10:15 am lol, which is the rarest thing on earth for me. i did wake up stressed, but when my mother came, she was pretty nice and that helped. and i took a pretty good shower after that. my hair has been feeling pretty good today, not perfect, but pretty good.

and i actually felt hungry today after waking up and showering. and i wasn't really expecting my mother to have made breakfast for me. but she did have some poha for me, and the poha was amazing. it tasted really good and i was hungry so i quickly at it all up.

i then got to cleaning my room. it was hard, but i did manage to do a fair bit today. my bed corner is as clean as it can get, which fresh sheets and everything. and the bedsheet is actually new. i don't like it a lot, but it's different and good for a change. i also safely put away my 9th grade books on a shelf, and dusted and organised the shelf. and i also folded all my clothes and tidied my wardrobe. and basic tidying up of my desk and bathroom. was it tiring? yes. but cleaning my room is usually worth the effort, and this time it sure is. it was a total mess and it's very good to have it cleaned up. i have more to do but i can do that another day. i feel satisfied with how much i've done today, and that's a rare feeling for me.

i've been able to have some pretty good interactions with a friend today evening. and i ate something this evening that i haven't had in years. it was kinda good, not the thing itself but the fact that i had it after years.

i also did some real cups work today, after quite a long time. and saw some amazing stuff. so that's a very good moment. doing cups work feels so good, especially when i haven't done it for a bit.

my father was being really funny during dinner tonight. somehow i actually laughed a lot. he was joking about so much stuff and i realised he knows how problematic he and be but he still doesn't want to change. anyway, the jokes were very funny and both my mother and i laughed a lot. and i saw the moon again and love it. 🌔

13th march (thursday): i've had a lot of good moments today but it's 2 am and i'm lazy.

That is a bunch of really great things that you pointed out. It is so much better when you get rest, isn't it? And I love how you started with your room as your first big project. I know how much better it makes you feel when things are neat and arranged. Maybe we can try to think of that as a possible skill for a career - like an interior designer of houses or something.

My day was more survivable today because there was no gloomy meetings with a hundred people angry and near tears. Work and living in this country are unbelievably hard right now.

My good moment today was actively teaching some material that could some day be banned about structural racism. Students were shocked by it all and asked lots of good questions. It made me feel like I was getting through and they were interested in going out and doing something about it. 

i'm so sorry about the missed posting, i do hope i can post for those days soon. but tonight i'm exhausted and can only write about today.

19th march (wednesday): today has been an unexpectedly okay day for a day when i'm running on 4 hours of sleep. i was extremely angry this morning when i woke up, but i did calm down fairly quickly and managed to sort things out, which is definitely good.

i did quite a lot of cleaning today. deep cleaned and reorganised a section of my desk that was left on monday. i then deep cleaned my bookshelf, which was a huge task but i got it done. i also did a lot of basic tidying up, folding my clothes and cleaning my bathroom. my room now feels quite clean and smells of cleaning products, a smell i love.

today was not meant to be hair washing day, but i still ended up washing it because of how gross and shapeless it felt. i lost a real lot of hair today, but my shower was overall quite good somehow. my hair, now dry, feels quite good to the touch, even without oiling it before washing. and it's been making me feel quite fresh.

the bottle gourd sabzi for lunch today was pretty good. and my mother was being nice and for some random reason, we we talking about nursery rhymes, poems and songs and she started singing a nursery rhyme which was funny. and after lunch, i was able to get by and push myself to continue cleaning instead of napping.

in the evening today, my mother took me to a doctor, a new one that i've never seen before. we were late to the appointment, but so was the doctor, so it was fine. the doctor was really nice, not in a rush and really tried to get to know me and figure things out. she was smiling, trying to make me comfortable, and very supportive of me in a lot of way. i dunno the rest.

anyway, i'm really tired so i should be able to fall asleep quickly when i go to bed now. i'm exhausted and long to go to bed, which is a good thing as a lot of night, i don't feel like going to that hard, uncomfy bed.

22nd march (saturday): i was hurting a lot this morning when i found something on youtube that actually kinda cheered me up for 2 minutes. so that's 2 amazing minutes of feeling okay. and then later today i scribbled out a lot of thoughts and i think it kinda helped.

i washed my hair today and it was nice to get it all clean. it does feel quite nice. yeah, lots and lots of my hair fell out but now i know why it's happening and i know it could be fixed in a few months, so it doesn't bother me anymore. which is good, i'm not that worried about my hair loss anymore. and somehow my skin has been looking pretty good today even though i haven't been taking care of it lately (like i've been sleeping with makeup on and everything).

today afternoon after lunch, i sat down on my bed listening to music and doing a very long but much needed vent. i was feeling quite okay for a bit. and i heard back from a friend after some not-so-great moments of me being rude. what i heard back helped a bit with how i was feeling.

in the evening, i ate something nice, sat in the dark (i like sitting in my room with all the lights off), and did some basic tidying up in my room. and i cried. a lot. which is a very good thing. i cried without needing to make myself cry, which is rare. and i cried a lot and have been very emotional and tearful, which is something that's happened after a very long time. i cried and i cried and i cried, a real lot. and i'm glad i could actually cry because lately crying has been very hard and nothing has been making me cry. but today was different.

and i got to have a few more good interactions with my friend. i had ladyfinger sabzi for dinner today which was spicy and i like it. also got to stand in the balcony for a bit and it's kinda cool outside. i finished up basic tidying up today. and brushed my teeth at night, which i have been lazy about lately.

23rd march (sunday): i felt so angry this morning, but i vented a bit and even fell asleep for a bit but then i felt alright. that was good. and i came across a thread that really calmed me down even more, i loved it. and somehow my mother didn't get mad at me about taking too long to get ready.

i was able to tidy up my room in the morning before taking a pretty good shower. and my hair has been feeling quite good today, like silky and clean. same with my skin. and i haven't pulled my eyebrows for a bit so they look quite good.

i did some cups work today, which is a good thing. and i also got to talk to my cups friend, be there for them and help them out a bit. that was good and i'm glad i could interact with them.

my mother and i watched a movie today. it was kinda scary but interesting, in a way. and the ending was good. also, there was this really cute little child in the movie. not my favourite movie, but it was something and i did laugh a bit. and while we were watching, we were in my room and the sun set and it got dark outside and i didn't even get up to close the curtains and turn the lights on, so i could see it getting dark outside till it was fully dark,

i also had these sweets my father brought from his hometown (he was way for a few days). they were pretty good. and ice cream after a few days. not my favourite, but it's still ice cream.

24th march (monday): i woke up this morning after 5 hours of sleep, but was still able to push through all day, which is a good thing. and somehow my mother even thought i looked fresh, which is odd, but good to hear.

i was able to go ahead and do some cleaning in my room. i did the basic regular stuff, and as for deep cleaning, did my ceiling fan as well as wall fan. they were both so dusty but i got it done and now they're clean. the wall fan is sparkly white and clean, i needed a screwdriver from my father's toolbox to do it, but it went well.

my plan was to finish this by 11:30 am and i finished before time, at just 11:10 am, even though i started later than intended. so i thought of doing some extra unplanned cleaning, which was to clean my window grill. i wiped it down once and will do the second clean and window glass tomorrow, hopefully.

the other day, i had a very careless accident of closing a drawer on my finger, which caused a pretty bad injury and something close to fainting, but my finger feels a lot better today. that's a good thing. and lets me have a little more freedom to do things such as cleaning. and also, period cramps have been kinder to me today, which is great.

i had a nice quick shower today which felt good, and i was able to finish all my tidying up after that. so after lunch, i was able to sit down and do lots of cupsing. i enjoyed it and i'm glad i could respond to some stuff i had been meaning to respond to for ages, and also browse around a bit. all my afternoon and most of my evening was spent cupsing hehe and it was good.

also, today afternoon, my mother asked me to cut her hair for her. i have been cutting my hair on my own since april 2022 and my mother knows that. but today is the first time she had me cut her hair. the first time i cut anybody else's hair. it was not much, she just wanted me to grab everything at the back and cut off one inch in one straight line. nothing complicated, no messy stuff. i did it and my mother thanked me and did not have any problems with my work. which is rare bit amazing when it happens.

i had to go to the doctor this evening, and not sure how i feel about it, so i dunno what's good and what's bad, but some parts i know were good. for example, i was given to list ten things i like doing, and she smiled reading my list and liked my handwriting. she understood me better after reading the list and now knows that i'm sensitive and "creative", whatever that means.

she seemed very encouraging for my photography hobby and encouraged me to spend more time doing stuff i like. my mother and the doctor also discussed my writing skills and the doctor sounded happy with that, and it was also good to hear my mother say good stuff about me, like how she can't believe how well i write. i don't believe i write well, but it's still good to hear such stuff from my mother.

also, the doctor loved my list so much, and my handwriting, that she asked if she could keep that piece of paper with her to remember me by. i let her do that, and honestly it feels kinda good.

back home, we had some funny jokes during dinner, something i said made my mother laugh and even i laughed a bit with the funny stuff my father said. it looked like both my parents were in a good mood and that almost always helps my mood. so i ended up starting to feel good even when i was initially pretty down.

i feel like i got a lot of stuff done today. this feels good, i like it. lots of cupsing that i feel good about, cleaning and other stuff. i'm glad i could do so much even without proper sleep. and i've been so busy with all this that i haven't spent time watching even one youtube video. which is supposed to be good, right?

I am so sorry that I haven't gotten to this group of posts because I was busy answering the other ones. These are actually the most important ones and you are showing such a beautiful side of you. I hope that you can continue it for a long, long time even if you only have time to write one thing each day once you are back in school.

My good moment for today was with a student as we were walking back from a class gathering. She pulled me aside and asked if I had any advice for making more friends on campus. I didn't actually, but she reminded me of you a bit. I told her what I tell you - there is no set amount of friends you should have and you aren't failing at friendship if you only have a few. She thanked me and relaxed a bit I think. And I do count you as a friend by the way. 

sorry i haven't been posting here. i'm back today but this is probably gonna be some very inconsistent posting, i'm sorry.

28th march (friday): somehow when my mother woke me up today, she was being very nice. that's supposed to be a good thing i'm not really counting it because of what followed.

so my first real good moment for today was when i sneekily got my hands on my phone for a bit this afternoon after having it taken away from me. so glad i got to sneekily use it a bit. it did really help a lot. and i also got my laptop back after a while. also, i washed my hair and that wasn't a good moment, but my hair feels pretty clean and fresh afterwards. so i've been feeling fresh (physically) and for a few minutes in the afternoon, was relaxed. i did tidy up my room today.

i spent some time in the balcony today taking some pretty good pics. also saw a very interesting bird sitting on our clothesline. it was tiny, black and blue and the blue was really pretty. but i can't photograph birds lol, they love flying away by the time i run to get a phone.

things have been really hard but i'm trying to remind myself about the hard times in the past and it's helping a bit. i got to talk to my friend a little and that was great today. and also venting a lot. i'm glad i can still use cups.

my mother made dosas for dinner today because my teeth hurt due to braces. the dosas were pretty good. and she was being nice. and i got to have chocolate. and my meds went down without me choking. i just watched a bit of comforting youtube, which helped. and worked a little bit on handling photo storage.

i think that's all i have for today. it's been a h3ll of a day with a h3ll of a morning.

29th march (saturday): i have a lot to type tonight. i've had an amazing day and feel pretty good today. like i mean more of feeling neutral, not necessarily happy. and a lot of good stuff happened today.

so somehow when i woke up today, i felt quite awake. it was sort lived and i was very sleepy within an hour of waking up, but for a bit it was good. i took a quick little shower and got ready, then used my phone for a bit. then tidied up my room completely. it all felt good. then my parents and i left to go shopping at around 10:30 am.

while going there, my father was in a very talky talky mood and was talking a lot while driving the two wheeler and i know that's risky but his talking was pretty interesting, to be honest. and we got to this market area and started looking for stuff we needed. i got a new set of pyjamas for the 15th of april, which is bengali new year and i'm supposed to wear new clothes on that day. i didn't really have much time to choose and i was kinda pressured into buying something that's not very comfortable and doesn't fit well, but i think the colour looks good and is very different from my other clothes. that's good.

we also tired looking for a mattress topper for me because my current one, even though my parents tried to soften it, the cotton in it is all clumpy and the thing is not my definition of soft in any way. so we did look around a lot and i'm glad we did. it means i might have a softer, more comfortable bed soon. and i might also get a new pillow soon because my pillow is so much older than me lol.

my father was with us till this point and then he went, which was in a way a pretty good thing because then my mother and i could take our own sweet time shopping without my father telling us to hurry up because he had work. so yeah, then my mother bought some other stuff, before we headed to buy sunglasses for both of us.

i got a pair of sunglasses, yay! i haven't had any sunglasses for at least the past 6 years. i had one as a kid, but of course that's too tiny for me, and i never got any new ones until today. my mother too bought a new pair today. and i wore my sunglasses for a lot of the time when we were out in the sun, and my mother said i looked good. and i gotta say, i feel everything looks so much better, darker (in a good way) and calmer with sunglasses when it's so sunny. the pretty brownish tint to the world is so much better than the overly bright afternoon sun everywhere, which makes all the colours fade.

all this walking around and standing really tired me out though. it's a very hot day today and it's not fun. but somehow my mother decided we should have some cool juice and i had some fresh mosambi juice and it was so good! i've never had something like it before, and it tasted good and cooled my down a lot. it really helped a lot.

we then went about buying some more stuff for my mother, before having lunch outside. it was just my mother and me in a fairly big (but not expensive) restaurant. eating hurts because of my braces, but i did manage to eat uttapa and it was kinda good. also, it was the first time that my mother and i ate in a proper restaurant without my father. because usually whenever my father's not there with us, we just eat random stuff if we're out and don't go to big restaurants.

when we got home, i stepped into my tidy room, and i had the curtains opened before we left, so it was a very good moment walking into a bright, tidy room after a long day of being out. and i still had my sunglasses on, which made my room feel like a very calming, peaceful place for some reason. it was lovely. i changed and rested a bit, like actually rested without worrying about anything. i felt calm for a bit.

i was then asked to mop my room, and i had to do that which was tiring but i'm glad i could clean up my room and take a pretty good shower afterwards (i felt gorss and sweaty). i rested more after my shower and stretched out a bit. also, sitting down after hours of standing is great.

i had this task of transferring my photos from my mother's google drive onto a pen drive. in the process, i scrolled through a lot of lovely photos and couldn't believe that i actually took them some day. they were so good to look at. it was fun. i also got a lot more done that i thought i'd be able to.

my mother came to sit in my room for a bit, and we discussed some health stuff like my vitamin d deficiency and i'm glad she realised that it's been going on for ages and it's something that's new and my fault. she also made me exercise and that went pretty well actually because she was in a good mood. we also discussed school and she was nice.

i got to cups while i waited for the photos to transfer. that was good. i saw some stuff that made me feel good. i got back to some things and that's all nice.

during dinner today, my father talked a lot and i did laugh quite a bit. and also about a funny picture i found and sent my father. haha it was good and i laughed. and had ice cream.

phew, a lot of writing good moments for today, and this took so long to write and it's getting late. but i'm glad i could write this. i'm exhausted on a whole new level and have been up since 8 am. i better go to bed and be able to sleep lol.