Good moments 🌈

20th may (tuesday): my good moment for today would be rain, lots of rain. gosh, i love rain so much! it's not really fixing my mood and stuff lately, but it does help a bit. my mother says it started raining around 3:45 pm, and it's really constantly raining, sometimes heavy, sometimes a light drizzle, but raining. cooling the earth down from the awful sun. and also a ton of lightning and thunder, which i seem to kinda like (i used to be terrified of it). it's been raining for almost 8 hours. we're expected to see lots of rain in the coming days as well. 🌧️

i was absolutely feeling like crap when i woke up this morning after very little sleep last night. but somehow i wasn't that sleepy, though feeling awful. i managed to sit at my desk and stay awake watching youtube, just so my mother doesn't get mad at me for sleeping and wasting all morning. youtube can be wasting all morning too, but at least it's secret and my mother doesn't know. and honestly i realised today that morning naps don't exactly help. so i'll avoid them unless necessary. also, youtube actually kinda helped this morning. made me start believing that it's still possible to fix things.

somehow the solar geyser hot water tap worked today, i didn't need the electric one, and i got really hot water and it was quite nice though i probably should've used a little cooler water so as to not sweat like crazy right after showering. and then i watched more youtube but it was good and comforting and hopeful.

doi chire with mango and stuff for lunch was nice and i was able to finish eating rather quickly. and after lunch i decided to take a nap. i was hesitant, but i have no regrets. i'm really glad i took that nap. it sure did help. i love afternoon naps. and i woke up to some rain and watched it for a bit, before uh, yeah, some bad stuff happened. and the sky was literally so dark at just 4:30 pm and i liked it to be honest.

and yeah, ups and downs with my mood thanks to my mother being awful but rain and napping. sometimes i felt sorta relaxed and wanting to rest and not worry about school. taking pictures and stuff. and going out in the rain. my mother was with me and not helping but sometimes when she didn't yell for a bit the rain calmed me down and took me away from reality. and then coming come and sitting in the dark for a bit.

i managed to tidy my room. and do some cups work that i had been meaning to do for ages. i finally finished it and i feel appreciated for it, kind words and upvotes. make me feel better and seen. and it feels good to have gotten it done finally. i've really been lacking the energy for it lately but today my nap helped me feel relaxed enough to do it and also had a little energy.

right before dinner today the rain got really heavy and we've had power cuts and stuff. but we have an ups at home so we were okay but the surroundings were all so dark and lovely. it was nice to see it rain. and due to the power cut, my mother couldn't use the roti maker (it doesn't work on the ups because it requires a lot of power) so she made parathas and that nice a nice change.

anyway, i got to sit in a relatively dim room with just my table lamp on and not the tube light. i like it this way, it's good. normally my mother doesn't allow it but today she didn't say too much and yeah. i gotta go though, i should sleep.

21st may (wednesday): i'm really glad for everything i could get done today. this morning, i changed my sheets and pillowcases, which makes my bed look cleaner and nicer, which i like.

and not too long after, i showered with with the solar geyser shower after ages. the water comes from it with a lot more force, which is nice. i washed my hair and got ready and felt really fresh and clean. also cleaned my bathroom a bit, used a new bar of soap after finished the last one completely lol. it was good. and right now, my hair feels really clean from washing it again and i really like how soft and smooth it feels.

i managed to finish lunch today rather fast. i normally take at least an hour to finish eating but today i could somehow eat faster and was done in about 30 minutes and then could fill water and sit down and cups and bit and get to studying. i got a fair bit of homework done, though not at much as i intended. i did copy down 5 pages though. which is a lot more than what i've been doing for the past 3 weeks.

and i must say, the weather's pretty nice today. the morning was kinda sunny, but it was really cloudy in the afternoon for a bit, and that's the time i badly need the clouds so my room doesn't heat up too much. more towards the evening, the sun was shining so bright and i honestly kinda liked it. and then, at night, guess what? it started raining! it's still raining, at 12:23 am, and i really love it. 

and my mother did quite a lot of teaching/explaining with me today because my father wasn't supposed to come home tonight so she doesn't have to worry about cooking dinner. and for the fist time in forever, she did something other than maths. like we did do maths, but also physics which i really need help with.

anyway yeah, that's all i can remember for now. somehow i've been feeling relatively okay for most of today. and i've been trying to calm myself down even though my mother's trying to mess that up and make me feel bad. i'm trying to believe that it's still possible for me to catch up with school in just 2 more weeks of summer hols.

22nd may (thursday): i'll try doing this tomorrow, i can't right now. and i also don't want to totally skip.

22rd may - 25th may: okay, so i know that i haven't really been posting here for the lost couple of days, mostly because i've lost the habit, and also due to exhaustion, sleepiness, lack of motivation, etc. i'm back today and wanted to catch up, but again, it's midnight, and i'm sleepy, so i can't really do elaborate posts for each day. i gotta go drift off to sleep soon. but i will briefly mention a few good things that come to my mind that have happened in the past few days and today.

pleasant weather mainly, i've really been loving the weather. i'm feeling kinda cold, which is good, the temps are really low and there's a lot of rain and it's always cloudy, calming and beautiful. then there's been my mother teaching me physics and us having fun experimenting with a small concave mirror and a shiny spoon, it's been fun. the occasional quick, nice meal. listening to music has been a big one, it's a lifesaver when i'm all alone and have no one to talk to and don't have the energy to reach out to new people. some funny youtube videos. some really sweet, heartwarming notes on cups that've made me smile. surviving a visit to the stationery store all alone on my bicycle (it was not at all fun but thankfully no dogs on the way). lying down and stretching a bit that helped when i felt awful yesterday and my head was hurting, but that really helped and also made me relaxed and sleepy. getting almost 9 hours of sleep last night (even though it wasn't every peaceful sleep). oh, and short periods of not having wifi are incredibly helpful.

for today, i'd say beautiful weather, music, waking up relatively early at 8 am (which gave me more time to do things and take it slow in the morning) and my father not being home for most of the day. i also got my money and homework quite organised. organising my money was something that was on my to do list since forever and i finally got it done today. and i also got some homework done and the rest kinda organised. and also spent some time cupsing with ultra sweet messages that made me smile, which was all good. i was also able to catch up with my therapy homework after not doing it for a few days, my memory saved me lol. anyway, i'm really sleepy now, it's past midnight so i'll go sleep now. i'm sorry for not posting regularly and not doing a detailed post for today. i am hoping to post on this thread more regularly starting tomorrow. but now it's time to sleep so that i don't set myself up for a disaster tomorrow. 💤

26th may (monday): my good moment today would be being able to keep my mother's frustration from getting to me. she's been acting really weird but somehow it hasn't been affecting me.

i spent some time today doing something i almost never do – talking in a chatroom (tcr) here except just one specific one that i do talk in (hope's office). someone i know and think of as a friend was on, and really sweet and welcoming, which encouraged me to talk and participate a little. and it made me feel really good, it was so fun! i was smiling and feeling alive and just good. it was a really nice time. and also seeing some really nice stuff and kind messages.

my skin's doing slightly better today than the last few days, which is good, and my shower today was nice. i like it when the mirror fogs up, it happens because of the cool weather. and also lying down and stretching a bit after my shower.

and yeah, cool weather. i've been feeling cold a lot lately. and i heard that monsoon set in yesterday. meaning summer is officially over!!! yay!!! my most hated season on the year is over. what a relief! we're getting monsoon rains now, monsoon has set in incredibly early this year, and it's raining really every now and then, hardly any sunlight, and right now it's raining very heavily outside. i love it. this is my definition of perfect weather. high of 27°C, this is magical! 🪄

i managed to finish lunch relatively early today, which is good, and then i got some stuff done. getting back to people and stuff. and found a youtube video that was fun and another one that made me feel motivated to study. it really helped. and i did manage to get a little bit done, though it wasn't as much as i wanted to. i'm hoping for more tomorrow, and on getting started early, meaning i should sleep now.

but i will say my warm rotis for dinner were really good. and since the weather is cool and monsoon has set in, i can use a thicker, comfier blanket at night, which is amazing. so yeah, all this and finding a really beautiful song just now. i should sleep soon.

I love to hear that your mom's frustration is sliding off of you even if just for a day. You are getting stronger. It is great that the chat room made you smile a bit. 

And beautiful, beautiful rain. We are still a few weeks away from that point ourselves and for us the rains don't bring a bunch of coolness. But the plants will stop dying so that will be nice.

And you have been feeling a bit better and getting work done. Sometimes it isn't a particular thing during a day that causes it, but it is still quite a blessing whenever it comes.

Cleaning ears is actually quite exciting. I always love to be able to hear better. My youngest son has to flush his ears out with water every few months in order to hear well. 

I think my good moment for today is that my head cold which started yesterday didn't get horribly worse. I rested quite a bit and watched some Netflix. 

i'm sorry i haven't been posting here. things have been messy and this is hard. i know i should post here to feel better, and i want to, but it's 1:33 am and i think it's best to skip a proper post tonight. i'll just say that my mother's been really nice to me today and that's probably the only reason i'm still alive after everything that's been happening. and a nap.

i know i should post here but i can't get myself to. expecially since i really want to catch up for the missed days.

My good moment today was seeing a cousin who I haven't seen in about a year. She likes to talk a lot, but she is a really sweet person.

hey hey. i'm so sorry i haven't been posting lately. it's been a weird time. i have certainly had my good moments, but haven't really been writing them down. i know i should have, but i didn't, and i don't think it will help to catch up with that now. it's probably time to move on. of course i've had some lovely moments, but yeah, let's skip that and just start now. it's a monday today anyway and my first day back to school, so maybe i'll let today be a day to try and get back to this habit of posting good moments. i hope i can post even a little bit every day from today.