Good moments 🌈
hey everyone, i'm creating this space for myself to come to every day, hopefully, and share my good moments. ✨
when i say 'good moment', it doesn't mean i have to feel happy or anything. it could be anything that made me feel a tiny bit better or something that made me feel good for a little bit. it could even be something that happened that's supposed to be good, even if it didn't change how i feel. or if i'm having a particularly bad day, a good moment could be a moment when i just didn't feel that horrific. and of course, it could be a moment when i just somehow magically feel fine for a bit, with no apparent cause. magic, lol. 🪄
i've recently realised that thinking of good moments makes every day feel a tiny bit different, instead of every day feeling the same and having that school, homework, exam, eat, sleep, repeat cycle going on. when i'm depressed and have been for months on end, it's really easy to just see that and forget the good that does occasionally come. perhaps after a while of posting on this thread, i might even be able to go back and read previous good moments when i'm feeling awful.
i know that every time i try to feel better and actually get to feeling better, it eventually comes crashing down soon and i feel bad again. but i guess i'll try to feel better anyway by focusing on the good moments. and when i do get to feeling better, i want to make the best of it and use it to get work done, so that the times when it gets bad again don't affect my schoolwork too much.
i will really try to come here every day and post something, even if it's very small and seems insignificant, even if i feel like i didn't have anything good happen that day. and if i ever have a miracle day when i have a lot of good moments, i'll try my best to list them all out for me to read on the awful days that follow (somehow my really good days are always followed by some really bad ones, and it sucks). if i ever miss a day of posting, i will try to post that day's good moments the next day.
i know that sometimes i will need to mention the bad stuff too here, to be able to explain why something was a good moment, but in general, i will try my best to avoid talking too much about the bad on this thread.
thank you, @bestVase7265, for encouraging me to write down my good moments. this idea of yours has been of a lot of help to me. i hope it works well with this thread for posting good moments. feel free to follow along and read whatever good i find every day, and share yours too (only if you'd like to, of course. you can always just stick to our space if you wish). 🤍🤍
anyone else reading this is welcome to share their good moments as well, i'd love to hear them. wishing you all the best. 💙
9th june (monday): oh my, today has been a day full of so many miracles. i'm so glad miracles happen, they are truly beautiful. i did not expect today to go as well as at did, i was preparing for the worst but miracles happened! ✨
to start off, i woke up at 6 am for school after getting just 1 hour of sleep. yeah, i'm seriuus, i went to bed at 5 am and i had been up completing my english project. i'm so glad i got it done, and that i could actually wake up and get ready on barely any sleep. i can't believe i survived school on 1 hour of sleep and didn't fall asleep in class and stuff. and school went a lot better than i expected. it was really great to be back in school after summer hols and 2 days of skipping school. it's great to see children and my friend, and be around so many people for the first time in ages. i'm so glad i went to school today. sometimes school can be a good thing. it was so good to talk to my friend after a month.
apparantly my friend missed me a lot and made a big deal out of my absence and thought i forgot about school. lol. two of my classmates started telling me this morning about how much of a big deal my frined made of my absence. in a way, it's bad because it's like i can't skip school and rest without upsetting people. but i admit it's nice to have someone who missed me and noticed my absence. i usually feel like no one notices and i am never missed. but maybe i am. it's so sweet. and it was great to see her and talk, because we have really not talked at all since april except her checking in to ask why i was absent last week. she's being really sweet, it does make me feel better about everything. she doesn't know about my depression but sometimes things she does still make me feel better.
the boy who was sitting in front of me today who was my bench partner in 9th grade, was of a lot of help today. and he was willing to tell me about what was done in school last week, and let me copy missed work from his notebook. especially in chemistry class i was looking over to see without needing to take his notebook but he offered it to me. it's sweet. he's a good person, i dunno why people dislike him so much. i think he's an amazing person, just struggling with some stuff but a very good person. i'm so glad he let me see. he might not write everything perfectly, but it's still something and kinda my only option.
oh and my english teacher didn't scold me or anything about the late submission and one other person submitted late too lol. i'm so happy that this project is out of the way, i can finally put this book away and forget about it. by the way, my mother said she read my project (i took pics of it as usual before submission as i won't get the project back after correction.) and she said i wrote well. the only mistake she found is that in one place i wrote "they" instead of "the" but that's it. she asked if i referred to the internet and stuff, and i did, but only ideas. and then i wrote everything on my own with my own opinions and didn't copy anything, just took ideas, put my own thoughts and opinions into it and wrote it. i didn't even reread my writing because come on, it was 5 am and i needed sleep. i'm glad my writing made sense to my mother and there weren't many errors in her eyes. especially that late at night we tend to make a lot of mistakes. this is a miracle! i was focused and productive so late in the night and didn't even make too many errors and my writing made sense. a true miracle!
yeah, i'm extremely proud of myself for this and for getting though today on 60 mins of sleep. have no idea how i did it, and i don't plan on repeating this and leaving work for the last moment and being stressed, but i'm so proud of myself for getting all this done, and going to school and turning out fine. i am proud of my body for letting me do this and taking on so much pressure. i'm proud of myself for not 3nding my life over a little school project though it did feel like a big deal, it doesn't anymore. it's done, it's over. i'm relieved. i do need some rest now, though as my body and mind have been taking on a lot. dunno how i feel so positive and stuff, but i'm so glad i do.
i when got home from school (i survided school, and it went well, yay! it was not expected, you know?), i showered and went to sleep at 5 pm and got woken up around 7:20 pm for dinner, very early dinner around 7:45 pm. i usually dont eat until at least 8 or 9 pm but today she didn't give me to eat much after school, just 2 bananas and early dinner. i like this, i really do. she's doing it because she now knows i barely have an appetite and stuff. and she let me not finish all my food, though i did eat most of it. by the way, i love napping and it makes me feel great. i'm so glad she let me nap for so long, i really needed it.
great news! my father talked to me this morning for the first time in 2 months. like not the necessary kind of talking but just talking without being forced to. he talked in the morning and in the evening too. when my mother was yelling in the morning about me being late (i wasnt late), my father was like "finish eating, the bus is at (so and so)" i was shocked to hear him talk to me and didn't really respond because i was in shock. but then while walking to the bus stop, he pointed to this other kid and asked if he's the one from our society who goes to my school. he doesn't, my father just confused and forgot exactly how our school uniform looks and thought that boy's uniform looked similar. but yeah, talking is something. and he even waved goodbye to me! he has never waved me goodbye since 4th april, but today he did, for the first time and it made my day. it was so good! and then back home while i was eating, he asking how school went and if i submitted the project. how on earth does he know about my project? i guess he just overheard me and my mother talking about it. i have no idea why he's suddenly talking today, but he is, and it's great, love it.
oh yeah and my mother talked about my psychiatrist appointment on thursday directly from school, like she picking me up from school and taking me there, and i don't want that. but she tried and sadly can't change that, but she promised me that i have to go there right after school in school uniform just this once because it's kinda urgent in her opinion. she said that for next time she'll find out more and see where else we can find this doctor at a more convenient time. her promise sounds good, i hope she doesn't break it lol.
anyway, after dinner i took some time to clean and tidy up my room because i hadn't been doing it as much due to the stress of the project. today i tidied up a bit, and that's good. hopefully tomorrow i will get more organised about school and be able to catch up with missed work hehe.
wow, i wrote so much today! it really has been a great day full of unexpected good moments. oh and i forgot a little kid who no longer goes on my bus, waving to me and smiling, she's so cute! and it's so sweet and puts a smile on my face because we hardly even know each other but she still smiles and waves. i love children. and yeah, my nap on the bus ride home, after staying awake the whole time in school, was great. but it's getting late now and i should go sleep. goodnight. 🤍
I am so happy that you had a day filled with miracles! You really do appreciate them when you don't get a lot of them.
Getting back into the routine of school can really be a blessing, especially seeing people like you said. Of course your friend missed you. You are a good person who people like to be around. I know your head tells you different sometimes, but I believe in you. And you got help from your old benchmate too - awesome. You are right that he is a misunderstood person. You reaching out and being kind to him meant that he was willing to do the same for you.
I also really love your report on your English project. It sounds like something you should be very, very proud of. I know that feeling when something big like that is finally done. It is awesome. The project is also further proof that you can do ANYTHING that you set your mind to. You didn't let the depression or the stress take over! Go you.
I am also really glad that your dad is talking again whatever the reason. It is nice to have the tension in your house be a little less whenever that is possible.
It is good to go to the psychiatrist even if the appointment time isn't ideal. It does sound like your mom wants to try to find something better for the future.
My good moment today was having a dentist appointment where they didn't yell at me for not taking care of my teeth better. Things were actually okay looking which is nice.
@bestVase7265 yeah, yeah. thanks a lot. and it's nice hearing about your good moment.
you said some questions here are fine. so here it comes. a lot of questions. am i rigid in your opinion? i remember you saying im not rigid.
but my psychiatrist called me rigid and says i need to change that because that will solve most of my problems. and i complained about her timings and me not wanting to go there directly after school and she says most people prefer right after school/college, says i cant be so rigid and need to be adaptable, says i need to learn to be okay and comfortable at any place in any way. after a long day at school, i am expected to go to a place im so ashamed to go to, in school uniform (changing is out of the question). one time is okay, but i am expected to see her like this every time i need to see her. i was on the verge of crying, of course i held it back, but got it out later in not so good ways.
then she was asking about school and how i score, and why i want 95% and above this year if i dont even know what i wanna do with my life. (just becasuse im confused means i cant want to score well?) and rushing wish question after question and hardly even listening. like i'm being interrogated and judged, which makes honesty hard. and then she talked to my mother alone for longer than to me, and wrote a prescription with some three meds. i wasnt even explained about what medicine is for what, when and how to take them, and what to expect.
and my therapist needed me to write a test and the report was explained to me mother and no one will tell me a thing about it, and my mother gets a hard copy of the report and i dont even get to see it, when its about my thoughts and my emotions. because im a 15 month old baby, right? i have no right to know anything and adults get to know everything.
any thoughts on all this?
Sounds a bit frustrating. Relationships with therapists and psychiatrists are like any other in a way because there are ups and downs.
The key to having a good relationship is being as honest as possible. If you want to see that report, tell them. If you need to cry during an appointment, do it. They need to know you are in pain.
As far as the rigidness goes, they are always going to see things you don't see. That's part of their job as outsiders. Are they always right? No. But I usually take their advice into careful consideration even when it makes me mad. If I can't do exactly what they want me to, I find a way to try it in part.
For instance, I was told to abandon 7 Cups completely by my therapist, not just go to every other day. She said that it was the only part of my extremely stressful life that I had control over. It was especially bad to do it at bedtime and then not sleep. I have been doing 7 Cups nightly for 9 years. I couldn't abandon everyone. But I recognized that I could do better. So I went to every other day and focus on positive as much as possible with people who are in therapy trying to get better.
So when they say something to you, ask why, listen to their response, think for a day or so about it, and then figure out a way to try to make it work in part for you. You don't have to do it all. You are doing a great job already.
@exuberantBlackberry9105
@bestVase7265 ouch, i admit that hurt to read. it was more than just frustrating. it was infuriating and deeply hurtful and upsetting. also, i can't possibly cry in front of two people i hate. and after a lot of thinking, i don't think i am really rigid, i'm just looking for what makes me comfortable and not so ashamed in a world where comfort and predictiblity is hard to find.
thankfully, i did tell my therapist about how badly i was talked to, and she said it shouldn't have been that way and that she'll talk to my psyciatrist about it. also, thankfully, my therapist so far has never "told" me to do anything expect that i had to write a test and now have to take meds. she usually asks me if i'd be willing to try something, and i feel lucky about that.
Note that I never said you were rigid. I was just saying that I listen to my therapist's advice. But I listen to my psychiatrist perhaps a little less. We connect okay but it isn't like the therapist. I find her more helpful. Sorry for me misunderstanding who was calling you rigid. That is totally on me. It sounds like you have a good therapist who is trying to help. The medications from the psychiatrist are also critical, but their advice can be less helpful.
I still think you are doing just awesome and I am quite proud of you. @exuberantBlackberry9105
10th june (tuesday): my parents were quite nice to me this morning. my mother didn't yell, and she wished me a good day, hugged and kissed me, and my father said a few words (nothing much but something) and waved me goodbye. that's good.
i have been feeling quite fresh and clean today, and felt yesterday too. the weather's been cool today which makes me feel fresh. and my hair has been relatively very good today, that's good. and i did feel super sleepy (yet fresh) today for a bit in school, but loved how i suddenly woke up after short break.
it was nice seeing my friend again and seeing her happy about getting to compere for some event in school in a week or so. she's really happy about it. and during lunch break, i was reading the script and it was so bad and full of errors, and written by a teacher, apparently, using chatgpt for a lot of it from what we guessed. and the parts that weren't chatgpt were full of silly mistakes and we laughed a lot over it. my friend made a wonderful joke out of the air quality index thing lol i laughed so much. haven't laughed this much in ages.
we had pe class today and this teacher was funny to be honest. and he knows my name (which no pe teachers ever know because i suck pe) but yeah in a way it's good. anyway, even at i can never catch the ball even if it comes near me but somehow nobody said much about it and let it go. and the teacher even told another kid to cover for me lol so that's good because i suck at catching a ball. and we got two free periods today and while i don't exactly get a lot of work done in that time, it was still quite good. and i did get a little bit done.
also, i laughed a lot in english class. the teacher has a great sense on humour, she was funny even when she got mad and was scolding and punishing. she did hit someone on the head with a book for falling asleep, but i'm just glad i never feel sleepy in english class. and the kid she hit didn't even have a textbook so he was made to sit on the floor. and the way she made him come was quite funny, "there is no shame in sitting at the feet of your guru. i am your guru, these are my feet, come sit!" and then someone else entered the classroom after half the class was over and she told him to go out. he laughed and tried saying something and she sent him out and shut the door on his face and said "stand outside. i know you are an outstanding student." that's so funny lol! "outstanding" student standing outside. as an observer, i do admit that i find this to be a great joke. i laughed a bit there and then back at home i told this to my mother and she couldn't control her laughter.
i napped for about an hour this evening which is good and for a while i was feeling pretty good. and i tidied my room before going to sleep, so that's good too. the rest, i dunno. i think this is all i have for today expect a pretty tasty dinner. my mother took a lot of effort for it and i did manage to finish eating early.
That's all so great! I especially love all the laughter in there. English class especially sounds so much better than last year. @exuberantBlackberry9105
@bestVase7265 haha, yes. i do love english class this year.
11th june (wednesday): i feel like i have nothing to say today. i'll just say i feel a bit better now after talking to someone. because i'm struggling a lot today and it's all just so hard and painful. and yeah that's all i can think of right now. i know there's other smaller stuff that are good but don't change how i feel but i dont have the energy to type those. i'll share tomorrow if i can. fun fact: i woke up at 6:44 am (44 minutes late) and made it to the bus on time.
What you actually just did here is excellent. On a bad day you managed to come up with one good thing - you got to the bus on time despite waking up late. On bad days, that's enough. Some days because of the chemicals that your mind is still working to control, things are going to be tough. One minimally good thing is your form of fighting the beast.
My good thing today was watching a film at home with my husband that was about a birdwatching competition. It was a fun, brief break from reality. @exuberantBlackberry9105
@bestVase7265 aww, thank you so much, that's really sweet. and haha, a movie being a break from reality sounds magical lol. glad you could watch it.
12th june (thursdsay): i have nothing to say today except rain.
13th june (friday): i have a lot to say today, it's been a better day than the past few ones. but i'm tired and don't know what to pick. so i'll do this tomorrow if i can. guess for now i'll just say surviving school on hardly any sleep, not having a headache for most of the day despite yesterday's injuries, my friend, and both parents actually, blood test not hurting, tidying up my room a bit, figuring out a bit about meds, and yeah more stufff but i gotta go. will elaborate tomorrow.
and rain of course, the love of my life. so much heavy rain and lightning on and off. and we were out in it and got my socks and bottom of pants soaked but all fun except wet socks. now i'm really sleepy, probably the med/supplement i'm too sleepy, it's 12:29 am, gotta sleep and make this headache go away.
Sorry for the headache but good that you are continuing to focus on the rain. Our summer daily rain has actually started in the last few days here. It is nice that everything is not quite so dry.
My good thing today was getting my new glasses. I could barely see out of my old ones because they were so pitted and dented.
@bestVase7265 yay, rain!! i'm happy that you've been getting rain hehe, i hope it's helping. and glad you got new glasses and can see better now. 🤍
by the way, when you're responding to something i say, like my good moments from a particular day, could you maybe reply to that post directly so i know what you're replying to? feel free to use the general post to thread button if you're just sharing and not responding to any of my messages hehe. 🤍
I thought that I was doing that. I definitely try to put it directly below. Otherwise the threads won't make sense.
When you miss a day and I get on is the only time that I post with a new message that is unconnected to anything. But I will keep watching where I post. @exuberantBlackberry9105
14th june (saturday): i have somehow been feeling quite okay today and lots of good things have happened. but i'm super and will share tomorrow. for now, i'll just say feeling okay, 6th day of school fine, catching the ball in games, history project, friend, washing hair, rain, therapy going great, and sleepy.
I love all these things. They all sound pretty great especially if you are excited about catching a ball at PE (certainly not my strong suit) and a history project. I also love hearing that therapy is helping a bit.
I have also had a pretty good day. I got to talk to two of my sons for longer conversations which was really nice. @exuberantBlackberry9105
@bestVase7265 lol i can never catch a ball and that was a rare, very special incident. mhm, i'm glad you had a good day, talking to your sons sound really good, i'm glad you could have long conversations with them.
Doing okay tonight. I saw lots of gorgeous plants today at a garden and thought of you. @exuberantBlackberry9105
@bestVase7265 it's good to hear that you're doing okay. plants sounds great. why'd you think of me? i do wonder, but that's sweet, thanks a lot. ❤️
I thought of you because I know you like to take plant pictures. @exuberantBlackberry9105
and here we go again! i missed one day, then a few days, and now here we are and it's hard to get back to doing this.
well, i've had a pretty good day today and there's a lot i could write. but i also really wanna sleep and i'm sleepy and don't wanna wake myself up at 11:23 pm by thinking of the 0details of my day. goodnight. 🌙💤
It's okay. I really do believe you are doing your best. I am happy to hear that you had a good day even if you don't give a lot of details.
My day was okay overall. I think the best part was watching "The Martian", a movie made about 10 years ago about a mission to Mars that goes all wrong. I teach it in a class that I start in August. I hadn't actually watched the whole thing in a while and I forgotten how nicely the plot works in a dramatic, but not scary, way. @exuberantBlackberry9105
@bestVase7265 thanks a lot, vase! ooh wow, i'm glad your day was okay and that you could watch a movie. it does sound good. it's very interesting that you have to teach a movie lol, never really heard of that. ❤️
hi, so i'm here tonight and just wanna share bits of the past week that i missed posting for. i don't remember much, but only bits a pieces.
15th june (sunday): i finally got a holiday after 6 days of full day school, and it was good. it was also father's day and i decided to wish my father lol. and we had pav bhaji for dinner, which is something i really like and haven't had in ages,
16th june (monday): i thought going to school with an incomplete maths notebook would kill me but i got by fine. and the weather was amazing and really cold and that saved my life lol. it was raining hard in the morning when i was going to school and it was amazing.
17th june (tuesday): seeing a dance competition in school really helped my mood. also the school talking about mental health and dance, somehow it made me feel better even though i am very much aware that it's just them talking big and pretending to be wonderful people when they aren't. but somehow hearing the stuff helped me feel better after a really bad morning. and also, pe, physics and one maths class went in watching the competion, which is great. also, my house won, yay! and great weather and funnily they turned the ac on in the room where the competition was happening.
and then we has a really fun english class. the teacher decided not to teach and do a timepass speaking activity and it turned into a discussion about very nonsensical and strict school and uniform rules and stuff, with a teacher lol! and talking about targetting specific students and favouritism lol, it was so funny to discuss that with the teacher. and also to see a prefect call the school a business and not an educational institution. because you won't believe how much our school makes us spend.
and also the weather with bits of sun and rain!
18th june (wednesday): we got the first period free and just sat in class and i could do stuff. and i don't remember much of other stuff. but yeah, had some fun seeing how stupidly three kids were bunking and how easily they got caught lol.
19th june (thursday): it was the last day of school this week, and an amazing day to end a short school week. the first two periods pretty much didn't happen at all, most of the maths class went in some yoga day celebration, which is good. and we went to the chemistry lab and it was really interesting. and also, reading a bit of a book that really comforted me. and lots of other stuff that i don't really remember.
yeah, my dentist being nice lol. like after they changed my braces wire, she's like "are you okay?" and i just smiled, not knowing what to say, and she went "you don't look okay. you're thinking 'you just gave me a fat wire and you're asking me if i'm okay'." that honstly made me laugh. and yeah, i did have lots of chocolate yesterday. and went to sleep at 11:30 pm and slept pretty okay.
20th june (friday): i woke up feeling pretty good today, except my teeth hurting like crazy. but yeah, that got a little better with painkillers, and mostly i've been feeling okayish today expect my teeth. didn't get much work done, but i did clean up and freshen up a lot. i had an amazing shower, washed my hair and stuff, and the hot water was great. i also dusted my room, folded my clothes, scrubed my bathroom floor clean, cleaned the toilet and stuff. and it all feels really good and clean, and also my hair feels great. i've been feeling pretty fresh since my shower.
some nice stuff on cups makes me feel good today, and also some youtube videos where i kept smiling all the time lol they were so sweet and funny. and yeah, amazing weather. rain, sun, sunlight on my window in the morning that i didn't know about until today, and yeah, just lots of good stuff that i'm too tired to write now and i should sleep now lol.
for 20th june, i do have to add, it felt like a winter day for a bit in the afternoon lol and it was amazing. also, a lot of people are back living around us. our next door neighbours are back from their month long trip and while i don't exactly like them, having them and some other people around the society makes it a bit more lively in here.
Thanks for all of the updates. It sounds as though you have had a good week overall. It was great that it was a shorter school week and you got to watch the dance competition, have a good English class and survive the dentist appointment. Dance is a good choice for improving your mental health but only if you enjoy dancing. I don't like it myself so I doubt that would work for me. But my parents love dancing. That's what is interesting about getting better mentally. What helps one person can be completely different than what helps the next person.
Right now for me it is probably gardening that helps the most. That's interesting because if you asked me a year ago whether gardening would be something that I went to to feel better I definitely would have said no. But today we planted a fig tree that I bought a few weeks ago. It made me happy. @exuberantBlackberry9105