How is everyone doing? 💙

@Amanda84

I'm not okay it's 3 am and I can't sleep. I'm crying and tossing in bed. I saw an ex yesterday and to pick my things up. It's over but he didn't look bothered. It's been one month since we broke up and I have tried everything but seeing him chilled made me feel so bad considering he just discarded me and avoided talking about it.   He said he is not okay he needs to take a break but he didn't say it directly he just started being called and let me feel in the spaces for myself he ghosted I tried talking to him he didn't want to hear anything I felt so bad because he was so cold suddenly and he went back home I think he was taking a sabbatical he changed locks to his home I just accepted it I struggled because I'm still in school so I took a break and went home and came back then yesterday he called me and told me to go pick my things up he was so nice such chill we even ran errands together he sent me money he carried all his things he said he's moving back home because he has nothing to do in the city he dropped me off at school so I just feel so bad because it is of final even though he doesn't want to say that and he didn't give me the closure I want and because I always believe that he loved me and enough to not discard me I feel bad because I'm the only one affected by the breakup he's so okay he says he's at peace now he can do whatever he wants without distractions he is going to start from scratch and I'm just here wondering what the next step is I feel so stuck and the work I had put in for the last one month feels like it has just gone away and disappeared and I'm starting to learn to accept that it is over again under which school I need to go to classes I need to show up for myself I need to pass my exams. He said when we were in a relationship that I was pulling him behind he was saying all these things that I could tell were just projections because he felt like he is behind him life I am so tired I have cried I can't sleep I don't know what he's doing accepting this is just so hard he made me believe that this was going somewhere we've dated for exactly one year he took me to his home to see his parents he introduced me to his entire family he created a certain type of permanent in my life and when I decided to be committed like him he pulled back I begged literally to be with him I used to ignore everything just make it well and here I am I twisted myself into whatever he wanted me to become then he hated me for that I feel so sick because we started dating last year around the time like this and we are done now.

@Amanda84 pretty bad all I do these days is sit in the house sleeping most of the time. I’ve tried so many social groups, volunteering and work and nothing has worked out for the past few years. I think my family, my only support, are finally getting sick of dealing with it. I’m just depressed and lonely. I’ve been through a billion years of therapy and nothing has helped. 

I am very tired and I miss my partner. I don't feel like working today.