I was kind to myself
Mom suddenly turned cold again, probably she's afraid about her upcoming eye operation and her current heart condition. I was in intense pain, hoped for a little bit of touch from her that would soothe me- but she refused. Said she's feeling ill and wanted attention from me.
During these times I usually get cruel toward me and keep pushing myself, or hurting myself for still living with them. This time I was able to be kind to myself regardless of how she treated me. So I feel like I made progress and hope to continue this in the future. I think this might be a break after a long time.
@seashell145 I like how insightful your post is. I think self compassion is one of the most important things we can learn to practice.
@hopefulPond6108
Thank you Pond, that's really kind of you. Sending you lots of love and warmth. <3
I don't understand much of your situation, however I see some positives among the negatives.
That you are recognizing your mother's needs and being compassionate about her unavailability is healthy and mature.
That you took it upon your self to practice self care is also healthy and mature.
You mention that you are hard on yourself for still living with them. Perhaps practicing not relying on them while still living there will make the transition easier in the future when it does take place.
There have been times when I asked too much of too few. Adding more friends and activities to my life helped spread the needs around and over time I grew to take care of myself more as I gained strength and healing.
I hope you can be kind to yourself and I hope your mom's surgery goes well.
