***TW*** Things People Who Have Had a Miscarriage Wish You Knew
If this is part of your life story, please share your insights! What would you like the rest of us to learn? What should we know about people in this community? How would you like people to interact with you? Should people ask questions? What’s the best way for people to learn about this? Do you have any resources (books, movies, YT videos, etc) that will give us greater understanding and empathy and kindness toward people who experience the same things you do?
If you’re not on this journey, we welcome you to listen, learn, and ask respectful, good-faith questions! Open-ended questions are highly encouraged, as they give people the space to share their unique experiences in their own words. While this is a safe space to learn about things you’ve never experienced, please remember to be sensitive, and avoid sharing harmful stereotypes or debating someone's lived reality. If you have a question, ask it with empathy. If someone gently corrects you, please be open to learning. Let's have a gentle, fun, friendly conversation where we support one another, because it takes all sorts to make a world!
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I’m adding a taglist to start, but this post is open to absolutely everyone! <3
@jesusredeemedme2425 thank you for tagging me 💗
@jesusredeemedme2425
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I had a miscarriage in November. It was sad and disappointing, and I was caught by surprise, because I mistakenly thought that only unhealthy women have miscarriages. The truth is, any pregnant woman can have a miscarriage. In fact, up to 60% of women who have ever been pregnant have a miscarriage. Also, I wasn't as healthy as I thought I was. I believe my miscarriage was caused by COVID. I was sick before I knew I was pregnant.
What I really wish people knew is that we wouldn't ever guess who in our lives has had a miscarriage, or at least when they had one, because most women don't want to talk about it. I, for one, didn't want all the attention that comes with giving people sad news. Eventually I had to tell my family and closest friends, because I had so eagerly told them that I was pregnant.
@easyScarf7950
Thank you for your vulnerability and sharing your experience. I hope your heartbreak heals and you have a healthy pregnancy as soon as you’re ready 💕
@VianneLeFoi Thanks! I actually moved on very quickly. Everyone has their own grief processes. And, I'm 9 weeks pregnant now!
That’s amazing!! Congratulations!!
@jesusredeemedme2425
I had a miscarriage over 10 years ago. But the pain of it never left me. I remember the series of events like it was yesterday.
But the thing I wish people knew is how different each experience of a miscarriage can be; not only between different women but also between different pregnancies for the same woman. And in our society there is so much shame add on top of the grief of losing a child. Miscarriages are categorically different from abortions because the women having miscarriages do want to carry the pregnancy to full term. These women want to have a baby and raise a child and then biology decides that they can’t. A miscarriage is not a choice the way an abortion is. It is a thing that happens to you and your child that you feel personally responsible for. And women wear that shame and grief like unwashed hair; covering it in dry shampoo like laughter, slicking it back into a ponytail like a smile, adding cute accessories to it like make up. That way nobody can see your shame and you can grieve at your own pace without the echoing of someone else’s voice in your head adding to the pain.
Beautifully said. Thank you for sharing that. It's so easy to blame ourselves, even when it's not our fault.
It was never your fault. 💕
