Facing Your Fears
Hey everyone :)
"Face your fears"- even those three words sound scary! We might be fearful of the unknown, have flashbacks of past, negative experiences, or our mind might immediately fill up with thoughts of "What if...?!" These can all make us terrified of stepping outside our comfort zone and facing what we're fearful of. And the more we avoid it, the scarier it becomes.
When I was little, I always believed there was a monster hiding under my bed every night. Every night, I would run and jump onto my bed, without ever letting my feet touch the ground next to the bed that had open space (where I thought the monster could grab me and pull me under). However, one day, someone caught me doing that and I felt a bit silly! So I mustered up all the courage I got, and peeked under the bed for one quick second in pure daylight. And all I saw was an old pair of slippers and a sock.
Sometimes, you have to face your fears to realise they aren't real, that it's just our mind showing us how powerful it can be. And that no monster is going to grab you and hurt you!
I'm going to have to face my fear on my own in a few days, by getting on a plane alone and returning back home.
So, what about you? Is there a fear you're wanting to face? Do you know what steps you could take to face your fear? How about you leave it down below? We can face them together and support each other. :)
Best of luck, and I hope you have a good week everyone :)
I have a fear of abandonment and although I have developed some management techniques to conquer it its really hard because its a fear you cant really test. Plus I have past experiences when Ive been abandoned. And sometimes it may seem rational. It destroys my relationships and I would really like to hear what people think would help to conquest that fear?
@wonderingsoul95
Aww, I'm really sorry to hear that :( Hmm, have you spoken to your support network about this fear? It's true that this fear has to involve other people, as it depends on both parties to ensure you won't be abandoned, but it also has to depend a lot on you and how you feel and deal sith it. I'm glad you've developed some ways to manage these fears- you're doing great already! Good luck, and thank you for sharing. :) xx
@rebecca947 yes thats the problem my support network consists of people that have very little understanding for things like this
@wonderingsoul95
Ahh, I see. Do you have a therapist you could speak to about this, or have you thought of seeing one? An online therapist here on 7 Cups could be good too. These are just a few suggestions, what do you think about them? Listeners are here too to support you and can brainstorm some ways or talk through this issue with you. There are people here to support you through this :)
@rebecca947 yes I have tried this but it helped for all issues but this one , I am trying some CBT next hopefully that will help
@wonderingsoul95
Ahh, good luck with it! I hope it helps too :) xx
I have a fear of abandonment and although I have developed some management techniques to conquer it its really hard because its a fear you cant really test. Plus I have past experiences when Ive been abandoned. And sometimes it may seem rational. It destroys my relationships and I would really like to hear what people think would help to conquest that fear?
@wonderingsoul95
It is great to hear that you are trying to face your fear and get over it! I think reaching out for support can help a lot in your situation. 
@wonderingsoul95 Sometimes, the emotional scars from events of the past keep us fearing in the present. If those times you were abandoned in the past were particularly traumatic for you, and you feel like they're still impacting your current relationships, it might be worthwhile (if you can) connecting with a therapist who can help you process those old, painful, trapped emotions so that they're no longer clinging to you and affecting your present circumstances. A therapist who uses an approach that helps you feel emotionally safe and secure so that you can have stability while you explore these painful feelings may be particularly important for struggles with abandonment. An attachment-based therapy approach which models what a secure attachment looks and feels like might be something to ask for, if any of this is resonating with you.
Such an attachment-based therapy has been helpful for me in processing painful emotions from trauma which I had compartmentalized and shut myself off from in order to cope. This is the only reason why I mention this particular therapeutic approach, because I read what you wrote and thought your struggles might be similar to mine, and thus, you might benefit in a similar way through a similar approach. At least, that's my hope. If it doesn't sound like it's really a fit for what you're going through, that's okay too. You will likely discover what works best for you and what helps you the most for yourself as you explore and continue trying new therapies and coping methods.
It's great you're looking into CBT. I think it's good to try lots of therapeutic approaches, as you may pick up skills that help from individual therapies that, when combined with other skills, give you a more diverse and beneficial tool kit to pick and choose from, depending on what you're dealing with. I encourage you to keep trying. The more you engage with different therapies and learn new skills, the better your chances you give yourself of finding what will work. And the skills you learn in therapy will support you throughout the rest of your life. The more you practice them, the more they'll be at the forefront of your mind for when you really need them, so it's well worth the effort put into practicing.
It sounds like you're already assessing whether your thinking about a situation is being influenced by your emotions or not, which is already a huge step, so kudos to you! You've already made some progress. Keep going! You can do it! :) <3
I'm learnnig to face my fear of failure, which I read today is common in people with Asperger's Syndrome like me. I hate making mistakes and getting in trouble and making people disappointed/upset/angry with me. So, I wanna learn what I can do to avoid the risk of doing something wrong, as well as strengthening myself for when it does happen.
(I also want to face my fear of bees, but a concrete, deeply rooted fear like that is very difficult to cure)
@HydrangeaField
Wow, I have the same fears as yours (I mean, even with the bees!). I really want to figure out how to stop worrying too much about being "imperfect," which now I believe the standards come from myself, not other people. But it's really difficult for me not to worry about what other people might think about me, and not to compare myself with other people.
My first smallest step is to open up about my problems. I found it extremely difficult at first (because I thought opening up only shows my weaknesses and vulnerability), but after trying it once (after so many years of doubting!), just a little bit, and then again and again, I noticed a slight change in how I deal with failures. I feel a little more comfortable in admitting my mistakes and accept the parts in myself than can be considered as "imperfect."
Online community like this, especially with people who are always helping and supporting each other, was the one to make me find the courage to open up. This is, of course, a slow process that may take forever, but let's keep going and not give up!
I hope everything goes well for you!
@immaddie I'm really happy to hear that you've come so far, and that 7cups has helped you so much. Its helped me too, and I hope it continues to help me as i work to overcome this.
@HydrangeaField
Yes, I hope so too. Good luck! 💪
Im afraid I wont accomplish anything worthwhile in my life. I have dreams of making this world a better place, but Im paralyzed by the fear of failure and the fear that no matter what I do it wont be enough. I have no idea how to confront those fears, as Im also afraid Im too incompetent to do anything... How does one overcome these fears? Looking for any advice on how to cope.
One fear I have is becoming a mother. For my relationship with my mom sucks and I don't want to be like her. Also, I need to sleep a lot. So I don't feel capable.
Also, I had many other interests than becoming a mom too so...