Parent Loss and Being a Parent

Dear WoodElfArgonian,

May I offer my condolences on your loss of your mom? Your grief that your mom didn’t get to be a grandma are so natural under these circumstances, especially as you are raising your child daily without your mom’s constant presence, advice and love towards both you and your child. 

I have heard of some people in your situation who are able to channel their mom’s voice and ask for her advice, even though she is not physically present.

I have also read of people who have asked for someone to sort of “adopt” them informally as a sort of mother figure, and actually have seen mother figures step in under extremely touching circumstances, for example, when a mother has lost a child and truly seeks to have a kind of motherly relationship, mentoring and nurturing a young parent. 

Your sadness is extremely normal. Of course you want to share your child’s milestones and funny moments with someone! And who better than your mom who surely cherished you, and who wants nothing but happiness for you and your child.

I wish you all the best in however you choose to proceed in finding the solace, advice and support you are looking for and you deserve, and I do hope that you know that raising your child, sharing your memories of your mom with your child, is probably the best and biggest gift you can give to your dearly departed mother. 

Love and courage,

CalmRosebud