Reflections with Kristy
****May Trigger****
Each year as the holidays approach, I tend to reflect more about my grief and about life for some reason. I actually think it’s quite common to reflect more during the holidays. As 2023 is coming to a close and 2024 is quickly approaching, I am setting my intentions for 2024.
My intention for 2024 is to practice being vulnerable and being willing to share more about my journey of grief & loss. This is quite scary to me, as I have avoided sharing my pain with the community because I believed that it’s not ok for me to be in pain because I’m a listener. But the truth is, that is simply not true. Just because I’m a listener, doesn’t make me immune to pain.
I encourage each of you to set your own intention. Since I’m setting my intention to be more vulnerable, I am starting this thread as a place for me to share my reflections. Hence the name of the post: Reflections With Kristy. Haha!!!!
Most of you know that my most significant loss in my life has been the loss of my almost 2 year old daughter. You see, she was born premature…. Significantly premature. She fought a long and difficult fight for almost 2 years. And she spent more of her life in the neonatal intensive care unit than she did at home. I will spare all the details of my premature labor and what it was like having a child that was terminally ill.
I think the most important thing for me to focus on is the aftermath of her death. Many people have questioned me over the years about how I got through that time in my life. To be honest, I couldn’t tell you the answer to that if I wanted to. The only thing I can think of is that I had an incredible support network of friends and family.
I think that what sets losing a child apart from the loss of another significant person is that when you lose a child, not only do you have to grieve that child, you also have to grieve any hopes and dreams you had. The pain was so intense at times, that sometimes i didn’t think I would survive. In the moment that my precious little girl took her last breath, I had to accept the finality of never seeing her again. In the moment that she took her last breath, I was gasping for air because the pain was so intense. In the moment that she took her last breath, my purpose was born (although I didn’t know it at the time.) I didn’t discover that my purpose was created the moment she passed away until a month ago…. And she would have been 19 in November! So if I can tell you one thing it would be that it’s never too late to heal from your grief.
@Kristynsmama hugs you very very tightly ❤ well done for sharing. It's truly heartbreaking. And I understand your pain, to a certain extent. 19 years old, wow! If only it could have been different😭😭 your very brave, very strong. Thank you for opening up ❤❤❤
@Kristynsmama *hugs you. I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine how horrible it is. You are very brave that you keep going. Would you like to share your favourite memory you have with her with us?
Entry # 2 1/24/24
My greatest fear as a grieving mother is that the world will eventually forget about my daughter, Kristyn. Seventeen years ago, I took her to the hospital because she was having difficulties breathing and she never came home.
Grief is hard and it is lonely. People surround you with love and compassion when your child (or loved one) dies, but then their responsibilities pull them back to their own worlds. They get on with their lives....Will they forget about the loss of your child (or loved one)?
I know that not everyone understands child loss and I know people don't want to cause me additional pain, but by not saying anything my heart breaks all over again. Hearing my daughter's name or the fact that you were thinking about her warms my heart. It doesn't stir up my pain. My pain is always there and it will never go away.
While I don't expect that Kristyn’s name will be a part of every conversation, it is nice that she is remembered on her birthday and on the day she went to heaven. Those days will forever be wrought with emotion. A simple card, hug, text, or email from my friends and family is always appreciated. It helps me know that you haven't forgotten about my girl.
Have you heard someone mention your loved one recently, whether it was to share a memory or to acknowledge a birthday or other special day? If so, how did you feel when you heard someone mention your loved one’s name?
@Kristynsmama *hugs you
@Kristynsmama yeah it earns my heart when I'm in a chat group room on here, and someone remembers my sons name, when the topic is mentioned ❤ no one will ever forget kristyn her memory will always live in you, your family, friends, and here on cups. And I bet the whole of heaven knows and loves your girl very much. She maybe gone from earth, but never completely gone, she lives on ❤ gives you a giant tiny hug ❤❤ when is her birthday?
@Tinywhisper11
November 4th.
@Kristynsmama ❤❤ I didn't have a birthday, so after I was rescued I had to choose a date, I chose November the third ❤❤ how are you feeling today?
@Tinywhisper11
awww we can honor our sweet babies together. Box 3rd and 4th!
I’m feeling pretty good today. How are you doing?
@Kristynsmama oh no I'm sorry I meant I chose November the third as my birthday. I know when my sons is, because of a bad recording they found😥 30th of July is joshuas birthday ❤I'm glad your feeling ok ❤ I'm doing ok, just trying to stay positive 😁
Hi. I'm sorry. There's always light at the end of the tunnel. I can't relate to what you're going to but I've a lot of grief in my life and I'm still learning how to cope. Stay strong, you got this!❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
@ValkyrieCain05
Tba k you for sharing. Grief is grief and no one’s pain is less or more than someone else’s.
You're welcome.😃
