Has anything happened in your life that changed your outlook on grief?

I've learned that when they say everyone processes grief differently and that it makes one sometimes do odd/crazy things is true. I didn't process the death of my ex until years later because to me in my mind due to his addiction the person i knew was already dead and this entity inside his skin had been possessing him so long hardly any of him was still in there. And when his physical body actually died, I actually felt nothing. And the feeling nothing bothered me more than feeling something. So i tried to make myself feel things (Songs, memories, etc) and it didn't make me remember him, it just made me remember the first time losing him. So i woke up the next day and the day after and nothing changed and then life gets busy and i just went on with my life. I hadnt seen him in years so my personal life was completely unaffected.

And then five years later I moved to a foreign country and was working from home and couldn't speak the language and had no one to talk to except for my teenage daughter here and there. So I spent a lot of time in my head and it was THEN that all sorts of stuff started leaking out. Emotions that dont even have names. Confusion why you're having panic attacks on the kitchen floor over something that happened with this person 20 years ago.

It went on for about 2 years. Nightmares. Dreams. Anxiety. Reprocessing things from a different view, hurting all over again or about new things now that they're gone.

It was an odd time in my life but in a way it never goes away is what i find. it just gets quieter or you file it in a different box in your psyche with time. And i have heard this often from others who have experienced loss and grief.

@lucy2

I never used to grieve much at all and it caused a lot of emotional problems, like depression and anxiety. When my father died, I didn't grieve much at all, I felt I had to be there for my mother. It caused depression and anxiety. Now I have learned it is very unhealthy to suppress your emotions all the time. When my mother died, I did grieve and cry much better than when my father died. When one of my cats has died, I also now know it is very healthy to cry and grieve and let those emotions out.