Helpless
My son has a rare incurable cancer in his spine.
Hes ok at the moment and goes gym etc, but his symptoms are worsening. I cant handle it and feel constant sadness and guilt.
Trying to stay positive for him and his younger brothers but I dont know how to.
What can I change?
Tony
@ToneJayL16 I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Feeling sadness and guilt is completely normal—any parent would. You can’t change the illness, but you can focus on what’s in your control: spending meaningful time with your children, caring for yourself, and leaning on support when you need it. Taking care of yourself helps you stay strong for them, and the love you show every day already makes a huge difference.
@QuestNate i totally agree with you, its so hard when this is so outside of your control. focusing on what you can by spending time togteher and having meaningful moments can be really great. Its so painful to watch someones health get worst and worst. this is not your fault tho, you are not to blame, i know its hard to carry the extra weight of the guilt but its really stuff thats outside of your control.
I know being strong for your fam is important, but its also okie to pause an take inventory of yourself and what you need.
@ToneJayL16 I'm so sorry.
I agree with what others have already said, and I'd also add that it might be appropriate for you and your son to talk about the cancer from time-to-time, as well (at a time which is manageable for you both). There are resources available online for having this type of conversation if you're not sure. Or just let him know that you're there for him when he feels ready to express his feelings.
It's possible that your son is also trying to stay strong and positive for you/other family too, and that's appropriate for certain times, like when trying to get on with day-to-day activities and not have fears overwhelm you. But having times to talk about the difficult feelings is also likely to be important, as well. Neither of you should necessarily be keeping all of the fear and uncertainty completely inside all of the time, I believe.
There are also likely to be services available out there, or perhaps online, for the both of you if that's more suitable -- but I do recommend reaching out for some sort of support, if not already.
All the feelings you're experiencing are natural ones, but that doesn't make them any easier to go through. Hang in there.
