Holding Space for Parents ~ Bereaved Parents Awareness Month

Bereaved Parents Awareness Month 

Hey lovelies 

I hope you are doing well and taking care of yourselves. I want to share this post today because It's been in my drafts all month and finally decided to post it (even if we are already a few days into august)! Anxiety, procrastination, and a busy life can be a fun combo :p but in all seriousness I believe that it's an important topic even though writing and talking about it is tough. Silence often only makes grief feel even heavier, so let's talk about it!

July is Bereaved Parents Awareness month. It's an important time to create space for conversations, and bring awareness to all the moms, dads, caregivers, who have to carry the unimaginable loss of their kids. 

Here, in this space, I want to remind you, you are not alone. Your grief matters, your child matters.

 Bereaved Parents Awareness month is important because society often rushes grief, avoids it, or struggles to speak about it all together.  People don’t know what to say, or they’re afraid to say the wrong thing, so they say nothing at all. Grief becomes something invisible, something people tiptoe around. But it doesn't have to be that way, especially not on cups. We can say their names, we can tell their stories, we can remember out loud, we can sit in silence together, we can support each other and we hold space for each other.

There are truly no words that can touch the depth of pain that comes with losing a child, there is no roadmap for how a parent navigates life after loss, and no timeline for grief that fits neatly into days, weeks, or even years, yet every single day, mothers and fathers carry this weight quietly, and often unseen by the world around them.

It’s still July, and while many people are by the pool, posting vacation selfies, and soaking in the sun, there are parents simply trying to breathe. Trying to make it through another season without their kid, and most people don’t realize how common this is. 

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So my message to you is:

there is space to remember. 

Not just today, Not just during this awareness month, But always.

There is space to speak their name, to tell their story, to honor your love in whatever way feels right for you,

Grief doesn’t need to be hidden or explained, It doesn’t have to be tidy or quiet,
You don’t need permission to grieve, to remember, or to still feel the pain

What you carry is real, What you feel is love, and it matters,

It matters to them, It matters to you, and it matters to us.

You don’t have to “move on” according to someone else’s timeline, 

You’re allowed to grieve and grow,

You’re allowed to carry joy and sorrow,

Your allowed to live fully and still long for the things lost

It's okie if every day is a battle, a struggle, a fight

A grasp to just hang on, You are not alone,

So take up space, speak their name, share your story, or simply breathe today, knowing that you are not alone in your remembering.

You’re allowed to remember…always.

I’m holding space for you this month and every month. 💛

There’s nothing wrong with the way you remember.

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Supporting your fellow grieving parents

If you’ve never experienced this kind of loss but want to be there for someone who has, thank you, really, your love and willingness to be present mean so much. Here are a few things that you might find helpful:

✨ Listen more than you speak. Sometimes just sitting with someone and letting them talk, without trying to fix it is the greatest gift. Or have a totally random conversation! They are still human (: ✨

✨It's okie to say their child’s name (but being mindful that everyone is different and in different phases of grief). It might feel scary, but can be one of the kindest things you can do. It shows you remember. It shows their child matters.✨

✨ Offer small, tangible, and specific help. Grief is exhausting. It can be challenging to ask for help, to reach out. Making decisions, telling people what's needed can just be one more thing added. Offer something specific instead. A meal, an errand, a thoughtful message can make a huge difference.✨

✨ Please skip “everything happens for a reason” or “they're in a better place.” Instead, try: “i’m thinking of you” or “I’m so sorry,” or “I’m here for you.” Let that be enough.✨

✨ Understand that grief doesn’t have a finish line. Don’t stop checking in after the first few weeks, but in the months and years to come. Keep remembering. Keep showing up.

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Resources

Some resources if you are interested and looking for support

Books

Bereaved Parent, Harriet Schiff: Step-by-step suggestions to help parents cope with the cycle of their grief, written by a bereaved parent

The Fall of a Sparrow, Kent Koppleman: Story of how a father searched for and found meaning after the death of his son

Goodbye My Child, Wheeler and Pike: Comforting book for parents anticipating or experiencing the death of a child

Healing a Parent’s Grieving Heart: 100 Practical Ideas after Your Child Dies, Alan Wolfelt: Ideas to help grieving parents understand and reconcile their grief

How to Survive the Loss of a Child, Catherine Sanders: This bereaved parent and psychologist guides other parents to rebuild their lives

I’ll Love You Forever, Anyway, P. Lindstrom: Personal account of loss of a 27-year-old son

Meditations for Bereaved Parents, Judy Osgood: 35 bereaved parents shared their feelings, insights, and hopes

Our Children Live Forever in Our Hearts, Children’s Mercy Hospital: Memory and comfort book with room for insertion of photos, mementos, and personal remembrances

Parental Grief: Solace and Resolution, Dennis Klass: Scholarly text examining the strategies parents use to cope with the death of a child

Recovery from the Loss of a Child, Katherine Donnelly: Reassuring book with accounts of various surviving parents

Tear Soup, Schwiebert and DeKlyen: A story for adults and children about the healing journey through grief

Understanding Your Grief, Alan Wolfelt: Ten essential touchstones for finding hope and healing your heart

Websites 

(links are clickable)

Alive Alone is a charitable and educational organization. Their purpose is to benefit bereaved parents whose only child or all children are deceased by providing a self-help network and publications to promote communication and healing.

Baby Steps is named after the baby steps that form the long and difficult road to recovery from the loss of a child. This website contains resources for parents, siblings and other family members. It also includes on-line sharing for kids and adults.

Bereaved Parents offers information and support to anyone who has lost a child. Included are highlights from newsletters published by affiliates, as well as a monthly column. A Bereavement self-help resources guide is also included that indexes resources along with hundreds of listings for other resources and information.

The Compassionate Friends is a national nonprofit self-help support organization that offers friendship and understanding to bereaved parents, grandparents, and siblings. Locate a chapter near you or use the on-line chat room.

Mothers in Sympathy and Support is a nonprofit, volunteer-based organization committed to providing emergency support to parents after the death of their baby or child. The site includes on-line forums.

Parents of Murdered Children, Inc. provides the ongoing emotional support needed to help parents and other survivors facilitate the reconstruction.

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If you're ready

If and when the moment feels right for you, I gently invite you to share:
Your child’s name
A memory
Part of your grief journey
Or what you wish the world understood about life after loss

Here for you always 🫶