I feel desperate.
It seems things are moving in an even worse direction.
Yesterday my girlfriend messaged me to say that she no longer wants to apply for a doctorate, but rather wants to find a stable job in her hometown, where she has a chance. She wants to grow up, she claims, because she doesn't want to keep spending her parents' money.
I doubt she has any idea why she is doing this – what exactly is her plan for our future? Clearly, if she accepts the opportunity to do a PhD, we will be much closer together, and that has always been her plan. She says she doesn't want to spend any more money from the family, but her family is not facing any financial problems – she even said she hoped her father would buy her a car for her birthday.
I don't really want to go to her city, because the cost of living there is high, and I doubt I would be able to afford to settle there. And according to previous plans, I have already found a decent job near my hometown, and I had originally expected that while she was doing her doctorate, we would be apart but much closer.
I don't know what she wants or needs. I can understand that she is under a lot of pressure in many ways and may not be able to make her own mind up clearly, but I feel unable to communicate with her in depth.
I feel desperate.
@Megalodon123 hi sweetie 💗 you know change is always hard, but inevitable. The only thing you can do know is getting encourage her to get her PhD, if that's what she really wants. Or perhaps she can work and still study. Remember when one door closes another one opens, so just ride with it💗 gives you a giant tiny hug 💗 I hope things work out well💗
@Tinywhisper11
I don't know what to do. We talked about the breakdown of our relationship last night. I was prepared for this, but we don't want to separate. We still want to talk about what future possibilities there are.
We have both made efforts to get closer to each other in the past, but the result is that we have ultimately had to accept that apart from each other, we are both doing well in our current lives. I don't know what other possibilities we have.
@Megalodon123 if you love this girl and she loves you. Then there needs to be a meet in the middle kind of arrangment, either that or one of you needs to give. It's a difficult situation whatever you do think about it carefully💗 good luck 💗
@Tinywhisper11
I understand. I once promised her that I would move to her city, but her family is in the capital – it's all very difficult, there's fierce competition, and there's hardly any response to job advertisements in a different city.
When I learned that she was also trying to move closer to me, I naturally also looked for a job near my hometown, and that worked out very well – I easily got a chance near my hometown. She therefore doesn't trust me and thinks I broke my promise.
@Megalodon123 awww honey this must all be heartbreaking for you😥 I'm so sorry your going through this. Prays and hopes that everything will work out well for you 💗 hugs you tightly 💗
I plan to meet her in a few days. I hope that during our trip, we can clear up a lot of things, even though I know that many problems are not easy to solve.
In addition, I am facing a lot of problems myself. I want to work for a world-renowned company, but the interviews are very strict – I am not sure – and at the same time another company that I don't like but is still good is constantly pushing me to join them.
After my trip with her, if the company I want to work for does not accept me, I have to go back to work, just the day after the trip ends.
I am very sad. Her parents still don't want me to be with her because I haven't approached her, so she even had to hide the trip from her parents.
Someone guided me to think about a very crucial question, namely what kind of life I want to lead, free from the distractions of everyone else. This is why I think about it and suffer as a result.
I know exactly what kind of life I want – I miss studying abroad, where I was carefree, without financial pressure, without the strong expectations of family or relatives, where I could make my own friends, study in a field I liked, exercise, read, write articles, occasionally cook the food I like to eat, travel to different countries during the holidays, where the place I studied was quieter and had a charm I can't quite describe, but it appealed to me more than my home country.
Perhaps my undergraduate years at a prestigious university near my hometown are also worth pursuing – I had very little pressure to study, but I still had lots of friends, I could do whatever I wanted, I could discuss my whims and fantasies with them as much as I liked, I miss being able to go for a run regularly while listening to my favourite music, occasionally going out with a few close friends to explore restaurants we hadn't tried before, etc. I was also very happy in those days.
But I know that this life is not sustainable – this high degree of freedom is based on the absence of financial pressure. While I was studying, my parents could give me money, but once I graduate and enter society, I have to consider my own financial situation. My parents' financial situation means that I don't have to pay them any additional fees; they have their own savings and pensions. But continuing to let them support me to continue my studies, or if I don't work at all, they can't afford it, so I have to go to work. I am very keen to earn more money, as this seems to be a necessary condition for the ‘freedom’ I want.
The question is – what kind of work, or how hard do I have to work to achieve this? I am not sure. The industry I studied in for my undergraduate degree and the industry I am pursuing for my master's degree are both declining. There has been a serious loss of students in the past two years, and some of my classmates have already decided to leave. But if I change careers, where can I go? I don't know. Some of the things I like inside – music, art, writing, etc. – these hobbies can never become my career path either – they don't generate a stable income, I'm not professionally trained, and they obviously run counter to my ideals.
So I've been spending a lot of time indulging in the past lately, and I'm at a loss for the future. Here are some examples of how this is reflected in my life: I have received some job offers, but how do I decide which is better, or more specifically, which should I choose? I have some preferences for companies or locations, but most of the information suggests that this is not a wise choice. What should I do?
I think I may not even know what kind of life I want to lead, and this may be the source of my suffering. However, many people spend their whole lives searching for the meaning of their lives, or never understand the meaning of their lives.