I’m a mess and have no clue how to fix my head
So little back story here……. Mom and dad divorced when I was 12, not really a big deal then, my dad ends up remarrying and has another child in early 2014, I was born in 1992. My father raised my brothers and I to be our own person and have our own opinions, insert issues with my father over me being me and voicing my opinion on his new wife. Fast forward to June 2022, I finally purchased my first motorcycle and as I was enjoying that moment in life, I had decided to try and fix things with my dad and that I would ride my bike up to visit him on July 4th. Well the weather wasn’t favorable for riding the bike and I couldn’t afford to take the truck so I didn’t go, and I had it in my head that this was a conversation that needed to be done in person, so I said there will be another weekend I can ride up.
July 10th I received the phone call that nobody expects to receive, dad had passed away unexpectedly the day prior, to say I was devastated would be an understatement. Within a day we had a time for a family only viewing before dad was cremated, and had a date set for his celebration of life. That date just so happened to be July 17th, my birthday, my 30th at that. So how does one deal with the guilt of being ready to fix the relationship but failing to act in time? How does one not let the fact that your 30th birthday is the day you held your fathers celebration of life mess with your head?
There is no way to "deal" with situations like this that work 100%, but one thing you can do is remember this:
You had no way of knowing your father was going to go when he did.
Read that again. And as many times as necessary so it sticks in your brain.
If you'd been aware that his demise was coming, obviously you would've gotten there sooner or otherwise done things differently. But you didn't know that. You probably did not know in advance that the weather would make it impractical to get on the bike; that affected your actions as well. The weather was not your fault because you had no control over it. Nor did you have any control over your father's biological functioning--or more accurately, the lack thereof--that led to his kicking the bucket when he did so. Guilt only makes sense when something turns out bad that we could have stopped or prevented. But you are just one man. A mortal one, like me & everyone else. There are limits to what you can affect in this world; the part that you can control is smaller yet. In fact you can't really control much beyond yourself & maybe your immediate surroundings. If you can remember that, you'll feel better about yourself.
All we can do is try to do the right things when we're able. But we must also realize that because our powers are limited & because we can't predict everything in advance, etc., s*** happens. S*** always happens sooner or later; believe me when I say that Murphy's Law is real. You can't stop it, & it's not your fault.
Slowdecline48 thank you for taking the time to respond and not only respond but go into it at length like you did really made me feel like I matter and that I am strong enough to get through this situation as when I try talking to my wife about this I just get the I don’t know space stare cuz she hasn’t felt with the loss of a parent
