I’m grieving my living mother
My mother is a part of a very strict and orthodox religious group; a group which I left as I am not happy living in that environment and it is not who I am. Unfortunately when someone leaves the community they are shunned, and so my mother no longer speaks to me. I have to accept that she no longer wants nothing to do with me because I only have control over what I do. But it feels like I have no choice but to let her go and grieve. But I don’t know if I’m grieving my mother or the mother that I never had. The fact that my little brother, who is my best friend, still lives with her and therefore can have no contact with me makes it worse. Im an adult that can take care of herself and all. but the little child in my heart feels so scared, like in out and exposed to the world; unprotected. That little girl feels so alone and unloved. I wish I could just fast forward to the end when it doesn’t hurts as much as it does now.
@honestPark4794 I'm truly sorry to hear about the pain and heartache you're experiencing due to the rift with your mother and the loss of the relationship you once had. It's incredibly challenging to navigate such situations, especially when it involves the loss of a parent's acceptance.
Feeling abandoned and rejected by someone who should provide unconditional love and support can be profoundly distressing. It's natural to grieve the loss of the relationship you hoped to have with your mother, as well as the loss of the mother you deserved. The conflicting emotions of longing for connection while also recognizing the toxicity of the environment can be overwhelming.
It's important to acknowledge and honour your feelings, both the adult part of you that understands the need for boundaries and the vulnerable inner child who feels scared and alone. Remember that it's okay to seek support from others, whether it's friends, a therapist, listeners or a support group. Surrounding yourself with understanding and compassionate individuals can provide comfort and validation during this difficult time.
While the pain may feel unbearable now, know that healing is a journey, and with time, the intensity of your emotions may lessen. Be patient and gentle with yourself as you navigate through this process of grieving and healing. Take care 💚
