Its been 22 months seen my dad been gone

@countrygirl9988

That's beautiful. You are a beautiful person, and he was lucky to have you. 

I lost my dad in March and I understand what you're feeling. We knew the end was coming and my son's and I made the trip to see him. I was hesitant because I knew the condition he was in and I wanted my last memories of him to be when he was strong and vigorous. However having a healthcare background and being present while patients took their last breaths, I knew my mom wasn't ready for that. Now if you ask any health are worker or first responder they all share a common trait and that's the ability to shutoff the emotion of witnessing another human suffer. When we arrived by my dad's bedside that switch was flipped and he was not my dad but just another patient. Though in some ways I was thankful I was able to do that, the downside was eventually I had to process the emotions I had suppressed. I only allowed a little at a time. It's been difficult. I am going to share with you what has really helped me. A few weeks ago I stumbled on a YouTube video What Happens When We Die. The guest on the video was a man who interviewed over 1500 people who had died and come back. I found it interesting enough to purchase his book Imagine Heaven and it has really helped ease the grief, the missing my dad and the longing to hear his voice. I am not an overly religious person, but the book has changed me in a way I can't explain. I can only say that has brought me a peace I wouldn't have found otherwise.