Miscarriage
I have just experienced a early pregnancy miscarriage. I am 20 years old and have always wanted a family since I was very young and since this has happened I feel so discouraged and like maybe I am not meant to have a family of my own. I am incredibly sad about it but my partner at the time is extremely toxic and I’m glad he isn’t in the picture but that may also be the reason it was a miscarriage because he is such a terrible person that bringing a child into that situation would’ve been terrible for our child so in that sense I’m thankful however it’s still incredibly difficult to cope with especially since I’m going through this by myself and when I had told him I had a miscarriage he got so angry at me that I didn’t tell him immediately but I needed time to process what had happened. Luckily we aren’t together anymore but it is difficult to cope with this loss on your own.
Pf, I had one at 15
I am so sorry for your loss and for the extra pain your partner put you through. I too had a miscarriage (in my early 30s) with a partner who had been quite toxic prior to the miscarriage. Of course you took some time before you informed him- sounds like he wasn't exactly helping you out in the first place. And the pain of such a loss can take quite a while to lessen. My heart goes out to you, and know that while you may be alone physically and may feel alone in terms of folks to talk to, the hearts of many women with similar expeiences go with you.
@tealPond8063
Thank you. It’s okay I’m glad he showed his true self fairly quickly. I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m sorry about the toxic partner as well plus the miscarriage that’s a lot to go through I am very sorry.
No he certainly wasn’t helping me out and didn’t seem to even care about how I was feeling which I find quite concerning.
Thank you very much I really appreciate you!
@reservedMango99917
Akhh....
I'm terribly sorry for your loss, Mango. It is hard to know what else to say; as a man, I've never gone through such a tragedy.
One fact that comes to mind: Our bodies are not perfect. Evolution is a fairly random & sometimes slipshod process; thus our organs & systems don't always work as they should. Nothing is ever 100% successful. Sometimes when our bodies fail, they do so when we're trying to accomplish what we want the most.
Try to take life day by day, if you have to. Once you've gotten through the worst of it (therapy can help if it's too much to do on your own), it might be a good idea to have your reproductive system checked. There are conditions that make conceiving & bearing a child unfeasible...if you're afflicted with one, it is better to know before trying for a baby again (if that's what you want).
@slowdecline48
Thank you it’s okay. Thank you for responding I do really value a male’s perspective especially on topics such as these.
Yes I definitely agree with you on that. I feel what happened to me happened for a reason (because my partner at the time was very toxic and bringing a child into that would be very cruel of me to put a child into that situation of having a toxic parent)
Yeah I definitely try to take like day by day and it certainly does help because I do get very caught up in the future and how I want things to be when they are very much out of my control. Yes I definitely think I need therapy. Thank you for mentioning that I definitely think I should get my reproductive system checked out before trying again or even if I never do it’s still good to know so thank you very much.
-Mango
I'm so sorry for your loss. Thank God that scum is out of the picture. He would have been so bad for the child. I hope you're okay soon. Virtual hugs
@reservedMango99917 i'm 29 and had one too
@affectionateNest1025
Really sorry for ur loss dear. I hope u feel better soon.
@reservedMango99917
Its extremely sad to know u r goin through this...Thts really a loss that alot of us cant even think of. Im really sorry it happened. I hope u cope up with it soon and I know u will coz a mother is always a fighter. Im sure the next time, you will have an absolutely adorable and healthy child and a very beautiful family.You are just 20. Theres a long way to go..Dont worry. Your partner behaving this way is the last thing to be tolerated in such times. Im very glad u r away from him now. We r all here for u. Do u have someone close to u, like a friend or maybe ur parents who u can reach out to now? Sharing it with loved ones and spending time with them will sure help u heal. Im again sorry for everything. I wish u a very happy life ahead. You go girl!
There was one other time in my life that I spoke with a woman who had miscarried. As I am male, I obviously can't relate to this directly & so am not quite sure what to say...if I were there, I'd give you a hug (if you wanted one).
All I can tell you is this:
- You're smart to get shed of your former partner. You have enough sense to know not to stick with somebody who not only won't support you in time of need but apparently does the opposite, because he's an a**hole.
- Our bodies don't always do what we want them to. Despite what some people think, evolution does not yield perfect results (& never has). The human body is an exceedingly complex thing; a great many features can go wrong & sometimes conk out completely. For women, the reproductive organs are one system that sometimes gets affected...for the worse. It is not your fault in the least, as we don't control much of what our bodies do beyond voluntary motions.
When you feel up to it, a visit to your doctor may be a good idea. If (s)he is competent, you'll get referred to an OBGYN doc or whatever the appropriate specialist is.
Hey!
we can understand this must be really difficult for you!
I hope you are not being too hard on yourself, it might take a lot of time to cope up. And you seem to a conscious wise person, lease take care of yourself at all times.
Also, i’ll pray for your strength, peace and a better partner to plan family with.
take care
@reservedMango99917
I am so sorry to hear what happened to you, I understand how it feels to lose something that you are so close to, inevitably. This is a really hard situation for you, and you definitely need some time to relax and cope up, but always remeber to stay positive!!!
Best
BW