My dog passed today

I love my dog so much, last night she wouldn’t eat and then next thing I know my mom wakes me up at 1am telling me to grab a blanket and pillow bc we’re going to the emergency vet. We took my dog, Luna, there and they had to put her on a stretcher sort of thingy. Around 3am the vet told us that she had a tumor in her lung, and that her lungs were filling with fluid. They drained her lungs and gave her an IV and some painkillers. We took her home and I slept with her in the back. They told us we were looking at a matter of hours until her death. Now it’s 4am and we get my stepdad’s help to take her inside. We put her on some blankets by the couch. She can’t move, her pupils are really wide and she’s struggling to breathe. I fell asleep next to her on the floor. I then moved to the couch. It was around 8:30am now and I woke up, then the next thing I knew she was howling so loudly, it made my blood run cold. It rang through the whole house. Then she just, dropped, she stopped breathing and everything went silent. Next thing my mom is sobbing out “she’s dead. She’s dead”. Then the worst part was blood just started spilling out of her mouth, pouring into the ground in a pool. It all happened so fast, it was so disgusting.

To see my poor baby dead in the ground, a blood pool forming around her mouth. I just stared, I couldn’t tell what happened, then my aunt and uncle showed up. My mom was cleaning Luna up and my aunt and uncle helped take her body to the car. After about 20 minutes we took her to a different vet so we could get her cremated. They set up the body so we could say goodbye. When I pet her she felt so warm, I kept thinking her eyes would open or she would move her head but it never came. Eventually we had to leave her so they could do whatever they had to with the body. When I finally got back home I expected her to be by the door and be barking excitedly, but there was just silence. I sat on the couch, there was no more tapping of her nails on the wood floor, or her rubbing up against my knee, just an emptiness. I couldn’t process that she wasn’t there, I just cried silently. Now that it’s finally hitting me that she’s gone I just feel empty. The house feels so lonely without her. I keep staring at the spot where she was laying when she died, and.. I just don’t know what to do.

I had braced myself to see her put down, but the fact that she died just like that, no euthanasia no anything. It was worse than if I saw her put down. It was millions of times worse. I feel so helpless, I want to scream and cry and beg all at once, just for a few more minutes. Just, just a few more seconds. I’m currently sobbing while writing this. I knew this day would come but I never thought it would be like this. It was all so sudden. I don’t know how to deal with this or what to do, I just feel hollow.