My horrible moment is losing my dad

my horrible and dark moment losing my dad seen my dad died on a scratch wheel to ambulance seen so pain so gone change me forever went ambulance worker told me that my dad is gone what scream said why is dad gone and crying so hard told my mom why is gone then she called my brother we went to hospital remember cry so hard in the car my brother wife told him to hurry up get to the hospital went seen my dad he was so pale and so white blood vessel pop on his face his face and his body so hard and did not look like my dad told my dad i love him and so much in pain me and my brother cry for are dad we knew he was gone the moment knew my dad was gone was went seen his on the scratch  he was gone he died on back stairs and the funeral was hard plan his funeral was hard for me seen gone hard to remember plan on November 17 2023 went in morning see are dad before visit coming see him walk up to casket cry so hard touch my dad hands that were so cold and hands so swollen and hard see my dad like that will never forgotten that moment in my life see funeral videos of photos of my dad and we play four song for my dad every song made me cry so hard see my dad wheel in the ground hurt me so bad see my dad live 63 years he had best life man could have and got have 40 years of my life and crazy been 6 month he been gone his death change me forever and I will never be the same get I have ptsd from my dad death i have bad panic attack went hear ambulance or going to hospital picture see dad in ambulance or in hospital making mental illness more bad